ruskino80
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:10 PM |
|
|
is there a santa?
Is there a Santa Claus?
No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are hundreds of thousands, even millions of species of living organisms yet to be classified.
While most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. Since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist
children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5
children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 seconds to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of
our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most
of us must do at least once ever 31 hours, plus feeding etc.
So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle
on the earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, TOPS, 15 miles/hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-size Lego set (2 lb.); the sleigh
is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lbs.
Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9 reindeer.
We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner
Queen Elizabeth!!!
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft
reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy!!! Per second!!! Each!!! In short,
they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426th of a second. Meanwhile, Santa will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than
gravity, A 250 lb Santa (seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of this sleigh by 4,315,015 lbs. of force.
Therefore, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve ... he's dead now.
Merry Christmas
|
|
|
|
|
chillis
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:34 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by ruskino80
Is there a Santa Claus?
No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are hundreds of thousands, even millions of species of living organisms yet to be classified.
While most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
Merry Christmas
The reference to flying reindeer related to them feasting on flyer garrick mushrooms that are apparently present around this time of year - makes them
rather lively 
Never under estimate the ingenuity of an idiot!
|
|
|
Xtreme Kermit
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:35 PM |
|
|
I could be wrong, but I think you might be over analysing it just a tad... 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
|
|
|
blakep82
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:41 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by chillis
quote:
Originally posted by ruskino80
Is there a Santa Claus?
No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are hundreds of thousands, even millions of species of living organisms yet to be classified.
While most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
Merry Christmas
The reference to flying reindeer related to them feasting on flyer garrick mushrooms that are apparently present around this time of year - makes them
rather lively
correct! and if you eat the yellow snow, you get the perfect dose for humans (if you eat the mushrooms you'd be killed)
________________________
IVA manual link http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/detail?type=RESOURCES&itemId=1081997083
don't write OT on a new thread title, you're creating the topic, everything you write is very much ON topic!
|
|
|
scudderfish
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:44 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by blakep82
quote:
Originally posted by chillis
quote:
Originally posted by ruskino80
Is there a Santa Claus?
No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are hundreds of thousands, even millions of species of living organisms yet to be classified.
While most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
Merry Christmas
The reference to flying reindeer related to them feasting on flyer garrick mushrooms that are apparently present around this time of year - makes them
rather lively
correct! and if you eat the yellow snow, you get the perfect dose for humans (if you eat the mushrooms you'd be killed)
I want to know what the thought process was of the guy who discovered that....
|
|
|
ChrisL
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:45 PM |
|
|
mmm roast reindeer
|
|
|
Xtreme Kermit
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:53 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by ChrisL
mmm roast reindeer
ROFL
|
|
|
wylliezx9r
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 08:55 PM |
|
|
Yes of course Santa exists.............................................well there's about the same likelyhood as there being a GOD and the same
evidence for that matter !!!!!!!!!!
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
George Best
|
|
|
perksy
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 09:44 PM |
|
|
Nope
I rigged a device up with a bell one christmas eve when i was younger and it went off and revealed my mum wheeling in a new bike for me 
|
|
|
bi22le
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 09:46 PM |
|
|
I understand what your saying and agree with your pessimism. I dont understand though, who will deliver my presents?!
I wrote a letter asking for loads of things, i have been a really good boy this year. I better be at the top of his chuffing visit list before fatty
cooks his reindeer!!
Merry Christmas ill!
Track days ARE the best thing since sliced bread, until I get a supercharger that is!
Please read my ring story:
http://www.locostbuilders.co.uk/forum/13/viewthread.php?tid=139152&page=1
Me doing a sub 56sec lap around Brands Indy. I need a geo set up! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHksfvIGB3I
|
|
|
TheGiantTribble
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 10:15 PM |
|
|
Santa has a secret weapon
Don't tell anyone else
It's a secret
NASA wants it, the military want it, politicians wish they had it.
It's called
MAGIC
Long may it continue, to amuse baffle and delight in equal measures
Happy Xmas all
|
|
|
splitrivet
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 10:51 PM |
|
|
Well if you dont believe in Santa dont come crying to us if you get nowt.
cheers,
Bob
I used to be a Werewolf but I'm alright nowwoooooooooooooo
|
|
|
trextr7monkey
|
| posted on 20/12/12 at 10:55 PM |
|
|
He can't have fried himself yet 'cos Isaw him twice in Carlisle today -
he had his usual costume on but on his hat it said "Kiss me" I suspect he has been corrupted by recent media stories.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14016102@N00/ (cut and paste this dodgey link)
Our most recent pics are here:
http://s129.photobucket.com/albums/p211/trextr7monkey/
|
|
|
Ninehigh
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 12:45 AM |
|
|
This theory is running on the same logic that there's only one UPS truck...
|
|
|
balidey
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 08:13 AM |
|
|
I believe.
Dutch bears have terrible skin due to their clogged paws
|
|
|
sickbag
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 11:10 AM |
|
|
Santa / Satan - same entity, just the same as Dr Jeckyl / Mr Hyde.
Satan cheers up for one day at Christmas and dresses up his evil minions in elf's outfits to bring cheer to the Christian world - that's
how he can do his deliveries all in one night.
Finally back on the job!
|
|
|
whitestu
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 01:00 PM |
|
|
quote:
Well if you dont believe in Santa dont come crying to us if you get nowt.
cheers,
Bob
+1
|
|
|
r1_pete
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 01:15 PM |
|
|
I think he exists,
This year he came early dressed in a Chesterfiel Motorcycle Centre jacket,
In a CMC van,
and left me an XJR1300
 
xjr
|
|
|
SteveWallace
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 01:32 PM |
|
|
If Santa doesn't exist, then what is NORAD tracking, eh...
NORAD
...aside from which, no one will be getting presents this year, as with his technology, Santa will have b*u&&ed off to avoid the end of the
world!
[Edited on 21/12/12 by SteveWallace]
|
|
|
jeffw
|
| posted on 21/12/12 at 01:49 PM |
|
|
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box
360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas, Tony Jones
-------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Tony,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll
bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas, Santa Claus
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that
a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully, Tony Jones
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a
guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on
retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours, S. Claus
--------------------------------------------------------------
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you had to bring my looks and my friends into this!
Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game
console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He
sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my
disposal? I got your poo wired, Jack. I go round the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your
Tostino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for but I'm still stopping
by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your narrow ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
On second thoughts, bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Tony
---------------------------------------------------------------
That's what I thought, dipshit.
Santa
|
|
|
