just walked in from my girlfriends, we have split up after more than four years together. Has come as a complete shock to me and I dont know what to do other than sit here and

She has said she isnt happy and hasnt been for a while.

Things have changed, maybe too much at once, and it all seems to have affected our relationship. I finished uni, she moved over to lynn into a rented house and started a full time college course. I then started full time work.

Things have been different, and its been more like being friends than in a loving relationship.

Now I dont know what to do. She says she wants to be friends, and so do I. But at the moment I cant imagine it, mainly because we both still love each other, we just weren't as happy/fulfilled as we used to be in the relationship.

If you'll excuse me, I'll just sit here for a while...

[Edited on 4/1/08 by flak monkey]

oh bugger, nowt stranger than women though.

my mrs of 11 years packed her bags 3 times last year, a bit of smoth talking got her back here ironing my shirts for me again so you never know it might not be a total loss but maybe open your mind to change.

best of luck

feel for you, been there a few times myself.

but remember , everything happens for a reason!!

Ray

Sorry to hear that. My only girlfriend ran off with another guy she met from uni and told me via e-mail 2 years ago. Hurts pretty bad

Been there ( more than once ) & got T shirt.

I let the best one go and thought I would never see her again.

A week before I got married she got in touch. We met, Talked & realised that if only we stayed friends and kept talking then we would have got back together.


MY ADVICE

TALK TALK TALK

RD

Hard Lines mate. Women eh can't live with them. She says she still wants to be friends,that will stop when you start sleeping with her friends Thats how i met Mrs TGR 18 years ago
Time to open a bottle but turn off your phone first or you will end up texting her your feelings at 3 o'clock in the morning.
Good Luck. Keep smiling
Ronnie


Medicine


[Edited on 4/1/08 by TGR-ECOSSE]

Big life changes (e.g. starting uni, finishing uni) tend to cause large upheavals in relationships.

Seek solace in your mates - you'll quickly find out who are the ones that matter...

David,

What a way to start the year. Been there (long time ago now though).

Long time, four years. Do you both want to throw it away, knowing your feelings for each other.

I was going to go into a long rambling diatribe, but think you're both probably old enough to know what'd be said.

Hope you resolve soon, though.

ATB

Simon

Oh dear .......

It sounds as though you have both had and made major life/life-style changes recently.

Some cope with it (or not) in different ways.

It maybe that she needs a longer period of adjustment.....or just some space to adjust.....

Another firm believer, of 'everything happens for a reason'.

Chin up
Fozzie

Really feel for you mate, you need your mates right now. Try to keep the communication channels open and take mate.

Rich

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fozzie
Oh dear .......

It sounds as though you have both had and made major life/life-style changes recently.

Some cope with it (or not) in different ways.

It maybe that she needs a longer period of adjustment.....or just some space to adjust.....

Another firm believer, of 'everything happens for a reason'.

Chin up
Fozzie

---

David,

Sorry to hear about this.

Nice weather your way tomorrow morning - Go for a slow blat and get some fresh in your head - Always helps....

HTH, Neil.

Hey David, there is no friendness between a man and a woman. Let some one else to be your love.
Let your door open, there is another woman searcing you.
And now go to the pub with some friends of yours !


Tomorrow is saturday and discos are full of girls !

Gutted for you mate, really does hurt, really sorry to hear mate.
When I split, I found remaining friends more difficult than not...if that makes sense.
Your mates will be a massive help, mine were.
Heads up mate, things will sort themselves out

Sounds like she has made her mind up.

Women rarely find begging or pleading attractive. Doubt any reasoning would change her mind either. Might be best to let her go.

Sounds like you are doing different things with your lives which rarely helps.

Really feel for you, sorry. Four years is a very long time.

To bad!

It's always a pitty.
Looks like a lot of us think that live is one lovely film.

Both should except the good en worse periods in a relationship. And there are always tough times.
Maybe you will come together, maybe not.

One is for sure: There will be light after dark, whatever that will be...

Grtz and head up!

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rudy
Tomorrow is saturday and discos are full of girls !

---

Feel for you mate,been there i was all over the place at first and then after some time,i moved on with my life things did get better i hope it works out what ever you decide to do.

I really feel for you Flak, mate.

You may well look back at all the replies to your post in a while and agree with all of them, even the slightly glib ones.

That does not help you right now though.

It hurts. It hurts a lot, and if you have never felt it before, it is unbearable for a while.

Take one day at a time. Much will happen over the coming days/weeks/months but you will work out your own path.

You should already know this but there are a lot of people on here that care about you and your well being, even if we have not met you.

David.

Four years is a long time for a relationship without some problems developing. The problems are usually that one partner has become complacent or insensitive to the other, usually the bloke.

I would suggest leaving things for a while and if she gets back in touch try and arrange a nice romantic evening with an open opportunity to talk, then you do all the listening to see if you can determine if the problems are anything you can really do to change things to re-establish the relationship. You have to be really honest with yourself here as, if you have really moved apart due to changes in your lives then you have to accept this is the case and you will both have to move on with your lives separately.

Most of us have been here or will be here at some point in our lives. Take care things will get better.

Caber

Flak gutted.

Things will come out in the wash ( dont make any rash decisions ) & stay freinds.

Take an hour at a time and keep yourself busy ( dont dwell on old times )

Regards

Agriv8

Will that mean you will be around mine earlier?

will chat with you on sat mate.

[Edited on 5/1/08 by matt.c]

David.

Ugh - I've been there as have most here probably.

It sucks at the moment mate - BUT I don't subscribe to the 'she's the One' school of human relations. I once read that the average heterosexual man is roughly compatible with 1/3rd of women of a similar age. Hence, the world is your oyster.

Take your time - and then enjoy!

Edit for typo!

[Edited on 5/1/08 by TimC]

Damn. Bad luck dude. However, strange how things work in the long run!!!

My ex kicked me to the kerb after over 5 years.... Two years later met up with the missus and now unbelievably happily hitched. Hurt like f@ck at the time but SO happy she ditched me cos otherwise I wouldn't be with the missus and instead would be in a rather dysfunctional relationship!!

Probably won't help now but in a few years you'll look back and think "jeez, what a lucky escape"....

All my friends told me this at the time and I didn't believe them!!! Experience hurts.....

What is it they say? - Better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.

How cheesy.

Seriously though, I reckon she got fed up of you nicking her foundation, lippy and eye-shadow and something had to give......

Phil

In the words of my long departed grandmother from Lancashire:

"There's always another bus"

David

Sorry to hear it's happened to you too.

Same thing with me in October after 14 years. I find it's difficult trying to do the "just friends " bit - maybe it's better to make a clean break. Time blunts the pain and the rejection.

Good luck whatever you do.

John

Another Hellfire view... f*ck it and get out for a Pint or three. Been there, done that paid the price - things do happen for a reason.

Usually someone has took their eye off of the ball... probably you, but she was maybe looking at the other players.

My advice is to move on, party hard and make of life what you can - as difficult as it may seem at times you will no doubt have to fend her off in the future, we all change - it's all part of the rich tapestry we call life.

Steve...

1st drinks are on you then

David
Really sorry to hear that - guess all I can say is "it ain't over till the fat lady sings" sometimes these things sort themselves out & sometimes it's time to move on. Keep your chin up & don't take out anger/frustration in the car

sorry for you mate. its times like these when you find out who your true friends are.

I feel for you mate, sucks don't it!

My Ex walked out on me for no real reason a few years ago and remembering still hurts like hell. I took the beer approach and although it numbed the pain initially it only made it hurt more later.

If you can, talk to her and talk things out. If you can't rely on you mates for support - they will be there for.

Mark

Thanks guys

We have both agreed to give it some time and see what happens. I am not getting my hopes up though as she seems to have pretty much made up her mind.

I know its my fault to some extent, but then some of it is hers too. Perhaps if we had both talked sooner about how we were feeling it wouldnt have happened and then we could have fixed. But now I think its beyond that stage.

A lot of my mates are on here or in Coventry, most of those from school years have moved away.

Think I might go out for a blast in the GTS today.

David

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hellfire
Seriously though, I reckon she got fed up of you nicking her foundation, lippy and eye-shadow and something had to give......

Phil

---

Just a thought mate. But why not try to concentrate on planning that big road trip through France. Then you'll have a great holiday with loads of laughs down the way. Chin up and all that for what it may be worth.

You're not alone bud... feels like it's never happened to anyone else and that no-one else can understand how you're feeling.

Believe me... most of us can!

Hurts like hell, but it will get better... and you will have lots of fun during the recovery process before you meet Mrs Flak-Monkey!

Chin up - phone your mates - head out on the town - get stuck into (literally!) the local talent

Sorry to hear it too - seems like a millions miles away from where I am now - but I do remember it well .... and it aint nice....

Had my oldest mate on the phone for the last 5 days, he made a TOTAL arse out of himself (again) on NYE and she finally left him (quite right too) .... he's now FINALLY decided to grow up and sort out his completely unreasonable behaviour.

Im really sorry to hear this David. I know nobody ever truly knows what goes on behind closed doors but i do know you are a good one. If it doent work out with her there will be others. A with a lot of people ive been through a tough time before and it did make me stronger.

You just sit there quiet for a bit and have a bit think. Getting pissed is what id be doing right now but it is just a short term fix - if you are doing same lock the phone away

Wheres the fun in only partially screwing up? If you want it done properly, give me a shout

If we're talking screwing up mate then you're a long way off being the champ. From what little I know of you I know you've got a masters and a good job, a car that's completed to what I would call an above high standard and you had your girlfriend for 4 years was it? Well, lets see. I am unable to keep a girlfriend for some reason. I dated an old mate in the Summer for about 4 weeks and she dumped me and have now lost that friendhip. Before that, at Christmas 2005 I dated another mate for about a couple of months maybe, who dumped me for her ex and she now has a child with him (the one who gave me the 'Grumpy' name!) Before that the last serious relationship I had was 1999/2000 when I was in the RAF. I joined the RAF because I ran away from a girlfriend who got pregnant, miscarried then got pregnant again.....it turned out not to be mine and I was signed up Mate, I've nearly forgot what sex is! I got promoted after 7 years in the RAF when I had a nervous breakdown at the grand age of 28, couldn't stop twitching and couldn't sleep for days on end. I now live back around Bolton where I have no friends left and genuinely apart from the immediate neighbours I speak to no one outside of work. I have no real qualifications and so take jobs like the forces and now Police, because they need no real skills and my car is just dragging along and is nothing like the majority of the cars on here despite me sooo wanting it to be. No one has ever seen it because I'm kind of embarassed of my effort.
So all in mate, you've in no way screwed up and are a long way off being a screw up. Just keep plodding on mate and take it as it comes, throw yourself into your work or just keep yourself busy but keep your eyes open. It'll all come right man I can almost promise.