..we have the French to back us up in times of conflict for the next 50 years!

Obama: Dave, we have an imminent crisis that threatens the very essence of our way of life in the Western World - can you give us a bit of a lift in the spirit of our Anglo/American 'special relationship'?

Dave: Can you give me a couple of minutes, there's somebody at the door....

...(phone call)....Nikolas, can we borrow our aircraft carrier back for a bit....and get a loan of some planes and stuff....and some troops...and guns....and rounds....I wouldn't ask only Bazza and his gang need a bit of help but we have scrapped and disbanded the bulk of of our assets in the recent massive spending cuts thinly disguised as a Defence and Security Review........and your track record of success in times of conflict is second to none....after all you did allow us to hone our combat skills a while back as we liberated you and the best part of Europe from German occupancy after you folded like a Kit-Kat wrapper.....and I know that we, you and the Yanks are fully aligned in our strategies regarding World security.....Waddya think?

Sarkozy: Non.

Dave: OK, sorry to trouble you...

Fabulous

Worryingly its true though....

Sounds like a fiar deal to me, we always end up bailing the French out anyway, at least this way they are paying towards the help we will end up giving them.

im glad that the garlick munching surrender monkeys are offering to help out, in fact no im not because they are garlic munching surrender monkies.

Voulez vous surrender avec moi, ce soir?

Richard I think you should be a script writer!

Adrian

If you look closely at Nelsons column tomorrow onwards you will notice that Nelson now has TWO eye patches and the fountains are now fully operated/supplied by a cost efficient water system, - Lord Horatio Nelson's tears.






All that effort he went to and the French still got their hands on OUR Navy.

I actually really like France and I know loads of really great French people (For the odd 1 ina million who I've not mentioned it to... I do Savate- aka French kickboxing) and go to France loads.

But I still think this is a pretty bad idea.

Personally I think all defence cuts are a bad idea. In fact the only thing I *would* happily pay more tax for is a defence budget increase. (As long as it was matched by a massive overhaul of the disgusting ball of incompetence that is the MOD!).

Cheers,
James

I'd hate to be living in the Falklands right now.

quote:

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Originally posted by James


Personally I think all defence cuts are a bad idea. In fact the only thing I *would* happily pay more tax for is a defence budget increase. (As long as it was matched by a massive overhaul of the disgusting ball of incompetence that is the MOD!).

Cheers,
James

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In all fairness defence is very important. I say scrap trident and it's replacement, use the money to keep the harriers.
Nuclear weapons- if you're using them, it's too late anyways.

trident has always been a 'deterrent', stops the baddies thinking they can drop a nuclear bomb on us, because they know we'd fire one right back at them. if we don't have it, they'll be able to nuke us and we coudn't do anything about it. thats why its important

what will happen when we FINALLY declare wa on france again?

Ha................the Locosters are on form this week

It's amusing how terrorism is currently our biggest threat - we have to put up with their bombs and propaganda and hatred but how will this change when the threat of "we're coming to get you" is removed.......that's foreign and Irish.

Perhaps I'm being naive but why should any country in the current climate be researching and testing new nuclear weapons? I think it's a bad idea for France and the UK to be sharing these responsibilities because it's pretty unnecessary.

The UK has 255 nuclear warheads, France has 300.

How many does a friggin country need? Especially we're mostly involved in atypical / asymmetrical combat nowadays.

I think it's time to start invading the French vineyards again and start the war on terroir

Maybe now we'll be able to stop France selling Exocet missiles to the Argies ?

quote:

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Originally posted by Badger_McLetcher
In all fairness defence is very important. I say scrap trident and it's replacement, use the money to keep the harriers.
Nuclear weapons- if you're using them, it's too late anyways.

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quote:

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Originally posted by BenB
The UK has 255 nuclear warheads, France has 300.

How many does a friggin country need?

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assuming we have to share our airplane boats with someone, who else is there?

do you mean who else is there or who else would we trust?

Well i'd trust the falklands, gibralta, accenstion islands, isle of wight, errrm ..... anywhere already affiliated with us that is small enough for us to invade with our existing 'spare' forces.

(hence i've ruled out Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland).

Dont forget that if we dont have nuclear weaponds we loose our right to Veto specific issues in NATO... That is NOT something we want to loose!

[Edited on 3/11/10 by tegwin]

all this to save the vvankers!!!

sorry looks like that I double-hit the V key which coincidently is right next to the B!!!!!

The main reason we need a decent armed forces is because we have so much territory that other people want, France is in the same boat and isn't after any of ours so it makes sense, apart from the fact that we all know they're not likely to help out when Agentina or Spain or whoever decides to invade.

If we didn't have these we'd all be praising the nuclear deterent for being a cheap alternative to big armies.

I think we're better off being Friends with France than America at the moment, and remember they only help us when it suits them.

quote:

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Originally posted by chrisxr2
im glad that the garlick munching surrender monkeys are offering to help out, in fact no im not because they are garlic munching surrender monkies.

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It'll be interesting if after further future defence cuts we declare war on France, we'll have to take turns to use the gun...

We could share military literature


Frenchies

Sorry but I couldn't resist it....

At this time of heightened security in Europe it's important to review how our allies handle terrorist threats.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.


Steve

quote:

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Originally posted by gottabedone
Sorry but I couldn't resist it....

At this time of heightened security in Europe it's important to review how our allies handle terrorist threats.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.


Steve

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