a brownie in your pants
My daughter's school is having a joke competition. Anyone know any that she could tell without getting into trouble or asking me awkward questions?
Where did the Alien park his ship
In a space man.
Whats green and can go through walls
Casper the friendly cooking apple. I'll get me coat.
Whats red and sits in the corners. A naughty fire engine
Do you know the difference between an elephant and a letter box. No, well I wont send you to post the mail.
what did tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill. Look here come the elephants.
Whats yellow and highly dangerous. Shark infested custard.
What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses. Nothing he did'nt recognise them.
Why did the elephant paint its toe nails red. So it could hide in the cherry tree.
How do you know theres an elephant in the fridge. You cant shut the door.
How get 4 elephants in a mini. 2 in the front and 2 in the back
how do you know an elephants been in the fridge. Foot prints in the butter.
How do you get to whales in a Mini. Straight down the M4.
What goes 99 clunk. A centipede with a wooden leg.
oh yes and Two on u2u. NCS
[Edited on 15/3/11 by jollygreengiant]
Q: What does BMW stand for?
A: Black mans willy.
Baby panguin: Mummy, mummy am I a penguin?
Mum: Of course you are dear, black and white with an orange beak, got wings but can't fly, big webbed feet for swimming. Yes you are definately a
penguin.
Baby: But are you certain?
Mum: Tell you what go and ask your dad, he knows everything.
Baby: Dad, dad am I a penguin?
Dad: Of course you are son, you are black and white, like a penguin, you have wings but can't fly, like a penguin, big webbed feet for swimming,
like a penguin, live at the north pole, like a penguin so therefore you must be a penguin like the rest of us. Why do you ask son?
Baby: Cos to be honest dad I'm bloody freezing.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt penguin
Q: Why don't polar bears eat penguins?
A: Cos they can't get the wrappers off.
What's brown and sticky ?
.
.
.
A stick....
Whats black and white and read all over?
An educated Penguin.
A policeman saw a man walking down the street with a penguin. He told the man he should take the penguin to the zoo.' Good idea', the man replied, and off he went. The next day the policeman saw the man again, and he still had the penguin with him. 'I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo. " " I did, the man replied. " Today I am taking him to the movies."
quote:
Originally posted by MakeEverything
Whats black and white and read all over?
An educated Penguin.
Baby polar bear: Mum am I really a polar bear
Mum, yes of course you dads a polar bear I'm a polar bear, so you must be.
Baby, Dad, is is true, am I really a polar bear.
Dad, of course, I'm a polar bear, your mums a polar bear, so you must be.
Baby, Oh OK
Mum, Why do you ask?
Baby, because I'm cold!
Why did the sand blush
Because the sea weed
quote:
Originally posted by marcjagman
Q: What does BMW stand for?
A: Black mans willy.
Baby panguin: Mummy, mummy am I a penguin?
Mum: Of course you are dear, black and white with an orange beak, got wings but can't fly, big webbed feet for swimming. Yes you are definately a penguin.
Baby: But are you certain?
Mum: Tell you what go and ask your dad, he knows everything.
Baby: Dad, dad am I a penguin?
Dad: Of course you are son, you are black and white, like a penguin, you have wings but can't fly, like a penguin, big webbed feet for swimming, like a penguin, live at the north pole, like a penguin so therefore you must be a penguin like the rest of us. Why do you ask son?
Baby: Cos to be honest dad I'm bloody freezing.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt penguin
Q: Why don't polar bears eat penguins?
A: Cos they can't get the wrappers off.
Just found out i've got a half irish/half chinese uncle, he's called Pat Noddle.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSH
Whats green and invisible,
this cabbage
two men looking at suits in a window, when one says 'thats the one i'd get'
A passing cyclops punched him.
(no good for kids really, they wouldnt get it...)
quote:
Originally posted by Gordy
Just found out i've got a half irish/half chinese uncle, he's called Pat Noddle.
We went to the zoo today. They only had one animal, a dog .... it was a shih tzu.
......maybe not for a 7 year old
quote:
Originally posted by omega0684
quote:
Originally posted by MakeEverything
Whats black and white and read all over?
An educated Penguin.
or a newspaper
quote:
Originally posted by plentywahalla
We went to the zoo today. They only had one animal, a dog .... it was a shih tzu.
......maybe not for a 7 year old
please send her in with that joke! brilliant 
Winston SIngha half black half Indian kid asks his mum,
"Am I mostly black or am I mostly Asian?''
''You're just my son but why ask such a question" the mother replies.
'' Well my mate is selling his bike for 50 quid and I don't know whether to be an Indian and haggle or just stab the c*nt."
Quick quiz.
Q. Who said," We'll fight them on the beaches, we'll fight them on the landing grounds .......we'll never surrender.
A. Winston Churchill
Q. Who said, "This lady is not for turning."
A. Maggie Thatcher.
Q. Who said,"WTF was that?''
A. The EX-Mayor of Hiroshima. ( could always update it to read the ex-Mayor of Sendai).
whats worse than a girl guide in your back pocket?
a brownie in your pants
quote:
Originally posted by dinosaurjuice
whats worse than a girl guide in your back pocket?
a brownie in your pants
Two goldfish were swimming around in a tank. The first one says to the second, "You drive and I will fire the gun !"
Two lions walking through Tesco's.
One lion says.....
Quiet in here today isn't it.