Questions you can't answer
kj - 2/9/09 at 02:43 PM
Questions you just can't answer......
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know
there
> is not enough?
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
> stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
> Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
>
> What is the speed of darkness?
>
> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake
up
> every two hours?
>
> Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at
the
> Special Olympics?
>
> If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
as
> cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
>
> Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?
>
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
> be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
> binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>
>
> Did you ever stop and wonder.....
>
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze
> these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
>
> Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm
gonna
> eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
>
> Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
> toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
> Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't
> point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
> Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you
get
> undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
>
> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
>
> If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
> Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
>
> Stop singing and read on.......
>
> Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at
> you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
> window?
>
> Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
omega0684 - 2/9/09 at 04:08 PM
quote:
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
because the radio is in the helmet 
quote:
What is the speed of darkness?
darkness doesn't have a speed, its a result of our eyes not picking up enough light.
quote:
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
that setting is for crumpets..... duh!
quote:
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
nope!
[Edited on 2/9/09 by omega0684]
clairetoo - 2/9/09 at 06:34 PM
quote:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Because it makes us feel better...........well , it does me 
MikeRJ - 2/9/09 at 06:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by kj
> If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
as
> cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Twice as cold makes no sense, a bit like saying my petrol tank is twice as empty as it was.
Assuming twice as cold is the same as half the temperature: If Celsius, it would be -136.6 Celsius. If Fahrenheit, it would be -229.8 Fahrenheit.
If Kelvin...then it doesn't go any lower
lewis - 2/9/09 at 07:09 PM
ican tell you lot are all engineers aswell!!
iank - 2/9/09 at 07:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by kj
Questions you just can't answer......
Wanna bet...
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
Because it isn't real, he's an actor.
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?
>
Frustration causing us to map other normal behaviours onto the problem. e.g. stiff door - push harder.
> Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know
there
> is not enough?
Because they can, they are b*st*rds and know you can't leave them while in debt.
> Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
Humans, as a generalisation, have a sick sense of humour.
> What is the speed of darkness?
Meaningless question
> Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at
the
> Special Olympics?
Yes, the special olympics is held straight after the regular olympics in the same venue. They won't remove any disabled spaces from the
car-parks.
> If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
as
> cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Meaningless.
> Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?
Just seems like it.
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
> be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Doubt this is actually true.
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
> binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Simple voyeuristic tendencies.
> If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Testing..
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Mineral oil and perfume
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No
> Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
Depends on the software being used to determine the lift movement strategy.
coozer - 3/9/09 at 12:20 PM
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Cause he shaves in the dressing room..
>
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?
For a better connection resultign from the smaller current
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know
there
> is not enough?
Caused you signed up to that when you opened your account
> What is the speed of darkness?
No speed cause theres no light
> If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
as
> cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
-1, simple physics
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
> be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Cause we werent all lazy gits in them days.
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
> binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Cause they on their holidays:-)
> Did you ever stop and wonder.....
Yes I did, a lot.
> Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
For frozen bread
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Its not very polite
> Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
No
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?
Mine likes both
Krismc - 3/9/09 at 05:33 PM
quote:
> Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
Depends on the software being used to determine the lift movement strategy.
Ill think you find the answer is no it doesnt, thats why for the past ten years ive been getting loads of calls to go replace buttons!!
(im a lift engineer..if you wondered)
Ninehigh - 5/9/09 at 10:04 PM
quote:
Originally posted by coozer
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?
For a better connection resultign from the smaller current
> What is the speed of darkness?
No speed cause theres no light
> Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
For frozen bread
Pressing harder, because that's less energy expenditure than thinking "Oh the batteries are dying, I shall go replace them" then
getting up and spending 20 minutes searching for new ones before figuring you don't have any
There isn't a speed of darkness, but there is a speed of night. You could work it out with the speed of the planet turning and how fast sunset
would creep across the land
And the toaster thing, it's a basic human right to eat charcoal so not giving people the "burnt" option would cause the Daily Mirror
brigade to kick off about human rights and the EU controlling our lives. I'm sure it's possible to install a sensor in the toaster so
it'll make perfect toast every time...
violentblue - 6/9/09 at 05:27 AM
quote:
Originally posted by kj Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
its cause you got bad breath
iank - 6/9/09 at 12:29 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Krismc
quote:
> Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
Depends on the software being used to determine the lift movement strategy.
Ill think you find the answer is no it doesnt, thats why for the past ten years ive been getting loads of calls to go replace buttons!!
(im a lift engineer..if you wondered)
But there's no reason why pushing the button more than once couldn't be made to give you priority if the marketing guys/customers decided it
was a feature they wanted. Simple change to a state machine in the control software.
Bet some lift somewhere has the feature even if it's only the button in the CEO/Sultan's penthouse office that gets it activated.
I'm a control software engineer by trade
Krismc - 7/9/09 at 05:08 PM
quote:
But there's no reason why pushing the button more than once couldn't be made to give you priority if the marketing guys/customers
decided it was a feature they wanted. Simple change to a state machine in the control software.
Bet some lift somewhere has the feature even if it's only the button in the CEO/Sultan's penthouse office that gets it activated.
I'm a control software engineer by trade
Erm no you couldnt- because it would log a SB fault (stuck button) and it would keep turning that button off and reseting the button and then
completly ignoring it once its permantly held.
But If you want priority call then an access fob or key switch can be fitted instead. (normally fitted on new lifts)
...and yes i abuse them when i go out shopping, why wait?!?!
[Edited on 7/9/09 by Krismc]
iank - 7/9/09 at 05:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Krismc
quote:
But there's no reason why pushing the button more than once couldn't be made to give you priority if the marketing guys/customers
decided it was a feature they wanted. Simple change to a state machine in the control software.
Bet some lift somewhere has the feature even if it's only the button in the CEO/Sultan's penthouse office that gets it activated.
I'm a control software engineer by trade
Erm no you couldnt- because it would log a SB fault (stuck button) and it would keep turning that button off and reseting the button and then
completly ignoring it once its permantly held.
But If you want priority call then an access fob or key switch can be fitted instead. (normally fitted on new lifts)
...and yes i abuse them when i go out shopping, why wait?!?!
[Edited on 7/9/09 by Krismc]
Sorry the button is just an input to a computer nothing more and nothing less - the stuck button fault is generated by the computer noticing the
button has been pressed for a very long time and not released.
The computer can count presses until the cows come home (or you hit 4billion presses anyway on a 32 bit computer) and you can use the number of
presses in the lift algorithm to give priority to the floor with the most presses - not very sensible but quite possible. The key fob or key switch
is just another input that does the same rescheduling.
There's no witchcraft in a computer scheduling system it decides where the lift goes next based on a bunch of inputs which could include really
stupid thing if you want (always goes down to the bottom if the lift music is bossanova if some engineer decided to get silly for example )
Krismc - 7/9/09 at 05:58 PM
quote:
Sorry the button is just an input to a computer nothing more and nothing less - the stuck button fault is generated by the computer noticing
the button has been pressed for a very long time and not released.
Yes i know all that, but then it would log a nuisance push fault if you keep pressing it, or Stuck button fault in some cases if the resistance
changes to often, i.e some one jabbing it a few times and pressing slowly or releasing slowly. Stuck button also monitors for a faulty push
So for safety, security and reliability it would be easier just to fit a fob to pull a seperate contact. and Because every lift manufacture i know
does that.
02GF74 - 10/9/09 at 09:10 AM
There is only one true question that cannot be answered:
"Who cannot hear me?"
MikeRJ - 10/9/09 at 10:26 AM
quote:
Originally posted by 02GF74
There is only one true question that cannot be answered:
"Who cannot hear me?"
Someone else could answer on behalf of a deaf person
02GF74 - 10/9/09 at 11:57 AM
but then it is no longer a question you can't answer.
Ninehigh - 12/9/09 at 06:00 AM
Ahaaaa! Good one
Kris where do we get those lift keys from?
Krismc - 12/9/09 at 11:55 AM
Me !!
Got Loads, state your make of lift and ill supply.
Ninehigh - 12/9/09 at 11:58 AM
Oh, no idea of the make of lift just thought it would be cool to have one
Krismc - 12/9/09 at 01:03 PM
Normally..... Kone, pickerings and Few old lift companys use Ronis 455 Keys (often found in reset switchs for other things) or LF 827,828,829 and 830
for priority, goods control etc
Normally a 830 and a 255 gets you priority in the majority of them.