All i can say is your [ TAPPED ]
'Mother's day is coming up I can't think of a greater way of expressing your love than the gift of a tap - for a mother it's the
equivalent of giving a bloke a can of WD40'
PMSL.
Hope you get shed loads of money for it, it deserves it with that ad
I've had a couple of good questions now - let's see what happens with the answers
It's at 119 page views now, and following are the questions and answers I've dealt with:
Q: I'm building an evil hideout, lair if you will. The water supply to said den will likely be evil. Will this tap be compatible with evil
water? I'd expect the supply pressure to be enough to inflate a small animal to bursting point. A squirrel for example.
A: Hi Jeff. This tap is a supremely compatible tap, and is capable of working with both good and evil water, and deeds theirof. Its also
compatible with soft and hard water and even anti-coagulant if in suitable liquid form. The tap is rated to 0.5 bar which is 7.25 psi. I would think 7
psi will do plenty of damage to a squirrel (good choice) but I think that if you're targeting squirrels, you need to look at things in the evil
round. For instance, introducing the tap to the squirrel will make it's eyes cross, whereas introducing water of of your evil choice will make
its eyes bulge. I hope this answers your questions and good look with your enterprises. Happy Squirrel Popping.
Q: How strong is the tap at -20C and below? I don't want it to become brittle in deep cold, I'd like to take it seal clubbing.
A: Hi Schnorberts. This is a very good question and one that often comes up in tap related sales. There are several factors that influence the
shattering of mild steel as it approaches the Ductile Brittle Transition Temperature (DBTT), and the standard test for this is the Charpy impact test,
typically providing a hard impact at 40J (for mild steel) to test the shatter temperature. For most varieties of steel you stand the risk of
shattering below -20C and I would only become really concerned if you were approaching temperatures nearer -100C. However, the Charpy impact test does
not translate to your particular circumstances, in as much as a seal skull is relatively soft compared to the impact point for the test. I am further
assuming you will be clubbing baby seals (who wouldn't?) and their skulls will be softer still. Furthermore, the skull is wrapped in fat, skin
and fur which will further soften the blow compared to the impact test. If you can provide me literature that gives standard units of hardness for
seal skulls, then I will recalculate for you. In summary, I think you will be fine.
Q: I have the same tap fitted in my kitchen but it drips and I ahve been told it requires a new tap washer. Would you be willing to split yours
and sell just the washer?
A: Hi Predator2000 Sorry, but splitting the bundle would reduce the potential for evil, so it must stand as a full lot. Of Evil
All i can say is your [ TAPPED ]
Thanks Jacko - I have another question to answer, but haven't had the chance to do the research. The question at least is:
If I used this tap to make a ritual sacrifice to Sebek, would it still please him? It would be convenient for me as it would wipe clean easily, but
don't want to offend the great crocodile god.
@Jacko - it gets better - someone has bid on it to send to his ex.
I like that - a haunted, possessed tap.
Mark Prince, is that a misprint ? Bit of a stretch from the D to the M 
Well, I've seen a few funny ebay listings but this is at the top of the pile!!! Very funny...
Q: Could this tap (or faucet as it might be known by some) be used to simply fill a sink or bowl or even a bucket with water of a predetermined
temperature and not for any evil purposes or is it destined only for darker purposes ? yours, Pete.
Dear Praffen
Great question. With a suitable mounting position and adequate feed of water, this tap will send the water in a pre-determined direction until you are
sick of it and you can turn it off. However, when it talks to me at night, it does express a preference to be mounted at the top of an altar in the
middle of a huge, moist jungle. This is merely positioning and I'm sure if you were to mount it to a sink, keep a pot plant nearby and
occasionally allow the water to run through it hot, you will simulate the rain-forest and appease the tap, lest it take you over and night and become
your new god.
It is also worth bearing in mind that most taps like to retire to the kitchen sink of a discerning person such as your self after a hard life of evil
deeds, and the most they will do in their life is flow water in a menacing fashion rather than command you to go through the isolated car-parks at
night clubbing doggers.
Q: If I used this tap to make a ritual sacrifice to Sebek, would it still please him? It would be convenient for me as it would wipe clean
easily, but don't want to offend the great crocodile god.
Dear Benzine
Yes, this tap is suitable for all your needs to appease the old gods, and my research leads me to recommend the tap for sacrificial purposes. Indeed,
if one is sacrificing under the influence of experience enhancing chemicals, and my tap-sales FAQ does state that in this case the tap will come to
resemble a crocodile, which glows. This also means you can show your enhanced knowledge of the fickle needs of the formalities and ceremony required,
and appease Ra at the same time. In this way, you get to curry even more favour with both Sebek and Ra.
Truly a humble chrome mixer tap (that some could see as neutral in it's position in the eternal battle between good and evil) can be turned to
the most spectacular evil deeds. However, one shouldn't ignore the universal appeal of a tap - many of the old norse gods would have been
grateful for the use of a good, solid, hefty tap when off on the rampage [source needed].
I hope this helps you in your decision, considering there are indeed many gods you can appease by owning this tap, with it's easy maintenance,
wipe free chrome surface.
Superb!
Get hold of a copy of 'The Henry Root Letters' by Weidenfeld & Nicholson. Root made a lot of money publishing replies to his crackpot
letters.
(Not that I'm suggesting your tap ad' is anything of the sort).
Thanks Bob
It's interesting that the locostbuilders bunch are so well read outside of haynes manuals.
quote:
Originally posted by FuryRebuild
Thanks Bob
It's interesting that the locostbuilders bunch are so well read outside of haynes manuals.