DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:


40-ish.............................................49

Adventurous.................Slept with everyone

Athletic......................................No tits

Average looking....................Moooo

Beautiful.........................Pathological liar

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Feminist..........................................Fat

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former slut

New-Age..............Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned.............................No BJs

Open-minded.................................Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Professional....................................Bitch

Voluptuous...................................Very Fat

Large frame.................................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

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WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?

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MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11 I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay