A guy who has been stranded on a desert island for 10 years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

>In a few minutes a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman emerges from the surf wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the shocked guy and says,

>"Tell me", how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?

>"Ten years", he replies.

>With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack, he takes one, lights it and takes a long drag.

>"Man oh man!! Is that ever good!" he says.

>"And how long has it been since you've had a shot of whiskey?" she asks.

>Trembling he replies "Ten years!"

>She reaches over and unzips a pocket on her right sleeve pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and exclaims "That's absolutely fantastic!"

>At this point she begins to slowly unzip the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, "How long has it been since you've played around?"

>With tears in his eyes the guy falls to his knees and cries...

>

>"Bloody hell - don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there as well!"

A truck driver picks up a girl hitch hiker just outside London and asks her where she's going. Coincidentally they are both going to Newcastle and he can take her practically to the door. On the way they stop for his break and he buys her a meal and a cuppa. They carry on and after a while chatting she says, "you've been so kind, I really want to do something in return, but all I've got is what I'm sitting on". Puzzled, he replies "What's that then?". She answers shyly "You know, what all truckers like best". He says to her "If you've been sat on a Yorkie that long it's gonna be pretty melted by now"