A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's licence?


Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I went got my 3rd drink-driving ban.


Officer: I see sir, well may I see the log book for this vehicle?


Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.


Officer: The car is stolen ?


Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the log book in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.


Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?


Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.


Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT ?!?!?


Driver: Yes, sir.


Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Superintendent. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Superintendent approached the driver to handle the tense situation:


Superintendent: Sir, can I see your licence?


Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid.)


Superintendent: Who's car is this?


Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the log book.


Superintendent: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?


Driver:Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.


Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.


Superintendent: Would you mind opening your boot ? I was told you said there's a body in it.


Driver: No problem.


Boot is opened; No body.


Superintendent: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a licence, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the boot.


Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying ba$tard told you I was speeding, too !

A copper gets a tip off that a quiet little country pub has become a bit of a haven for drink drivers so he gets an unmarked car for the night, tucks into the corner of the pub carpark under the old oak tree and lies in wait. The place is packed and its clear that everyone drove there so the copper knows hes gonna make his quota this month (come on we all know they have a quota).
Bang on closing time the first p**s head staggers out the back door, he trips over the step and ends up sprawled out on the groud. He gets up and promptly walks into the nearest car giggling like a loon! He gets to his own car and drops his keys, after picking them up for the third time he then spends 5 minutes getting them into the lock. Eventually he gets in and gets the car started, the reverse light comes on and the revs shoot up. In a hail of gravel the car screems backward, then with a sickening crunch he finds a forward gear and tears off down the road.
2 minutes later the copper pulls him over.

"In a hurry sir?"

"Not really officer"

"Can i see your lisence please sir?"

"Certainly officer"

"So Mr Jones, have we been drinking tonight?"

"No officer, i never touch the stuff"

"Then why were you in the pub sir?"

"Strictly business officer"

"And what sort of business would that be sir?"

"I'm a proffesional decoy officer"!!!!!!!!!