The first time I flew to Paris I stayed at the George V Hotel. That night, with the jetlag, I couldn't sleep and was feeling lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone books. I decided to call one named Erogeonique, a lovely girl - bending over in the photo - young and beautiful.

So I picked up the phone and I dialed the number.

"Hello?" the woman says.

"Hi, I understand you do massage. I'd like you to come to my room and give me a massage. No, wait... I want sex! I'm talking kinky, the whole night. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, bring toys. Do the lot, all night, tie me up, cover me with strange substances, anything. Now how does that sound?"

"That sounds fantastic!" She said, "But for an outside line, you press 9."

Very good...had me going for a moment there!!

Another one for the memory banks.

Man, what a faux pas.

"Faux pas" means "crapped in the bidet".