A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday.

Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
- Shell suits (female)
- White sport socks
- Rockport boots
- Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Ice cream
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in Claret - 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"

Essex boy here, laughing hard

Funny the same sort of thing hit Dundee Its a small world!!!!

http://www.dumpdee.co.uk/id12.html



NEWS FLASH - MAJOR EARTHQUAKE STRIKES DUMPDEE

A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 5.5 ON THE RICHTER
SCALE HIT DUMPDEE IN THE EARLY HOURS OF SATURDAY.


EPICENTRE - WHITFIELD

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly
muttering " whit the ***K " and " Whaurd that comfae?" The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of
momentos from the Baldovie Skip were damaged beyond
repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were
disturbed and many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived.


Grampian news reported that hundreds
of residents were confused and bewildered, still
trying to come to terms with the fact that something of interest had happened in the area.

One resident Tracy Sharon Smith a 15yr old mother of
five-fae Ormiston Crescent said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Levi-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,Tyler Morgan and Megan Chantelle slept through it all, as well as my great granny Lorraine.
I was still shaking when I was watching Tricia the next morning.


Apparently though looting, mugging and car crime did
carry on as normal.


The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, loads of Provie cheques and bone china from Poundstretcher.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

Clothing is most sought after, the most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his & hers), shell suits (female) white sport socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in
Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of colt 45 or special brew. 22p will buy a biro for filling in
compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine, £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

However, please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is very unfair on the neighbouring populations of Douglas, Fintry and St Mary's.

[Edited on 15-11-05 by mangogrooveworkshop]

Similar sort of thing here in the Black Country after the Dudley Earthquake:



URGENT - DUDLEY EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

At 00:54 on Monday 23 September an earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit Dudley, UK, causing untold disruption and distress - many were woken well before their Giro arrived.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged.

Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.

Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Dudley.

One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said:

"It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area, to help the stricken masses.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.
HOW YOU CAN HELP

* £2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four.
* £10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles.
* 22p buys a Biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

PLEASE ACT NOW

Simply email us by return with your credit card details and we'll do the rest!

If you prefer to donate cash, there are collection points available at your local branches of Argos, Iceland and Clinton Cards.



"Blue pop" will never cease to be funny.

Neil.

That was HARSH boys!

You should not mock the afflickted.