My little sis sent me this as she reckons I'm sexist. It's not true though. How she finds time to email me with all that housework to do I'll never know.

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the
other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it
leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll
buy me a diamond.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make
you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I
squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

Q What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to
you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a
good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa
and fart'.

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I
gave you?'.
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard'.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.