A man has great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man.

"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh , I'm sorry to hear that...that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the
seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the
Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know
it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be
bothered."

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by
myself-you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

after a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen
reads
"Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England
all by himself!

A few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers,
"It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext
on.

"Result from the Stadium 'Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1
(Lampard 89 minutes)."

They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find
him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his
hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!" "No, no, I have, I've let you
down...I got sent off after 12 minutes."

quote:

---

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!" "No, no, I have, I've let you

---

The England team are in their hotel dining room & the waiter asks Sven if they are ready to order.

"Can I get steak & chips please?" replies Sven.

"And the vegetables, sir?" asks the waiter.

"Yes, they'll have the same!"


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micheal owen walks into a bar, snd without hesitation straight up to a blonde at the bar and says "come on love grab your coat were off back to mine"

the blonde woman replies "your a little forward arent you?"