So I went into the Libray and said to the lady

"I feel down have you got any books on committing Suicide"

She says

"No sorry the other chap hasnt brought it back"

Not the book, the joke

I like to go into bookshops and ask the assistant. "i'm looking for a book called how to deal with rejection without killing people. Do you have it?"

I was doing some diy at home, putting in storage and the like and wondered if they had any books at the library that would help. I went in and asked the librarian if she had any books on shelves and she replied "f**king thousands"