Just thought I'd post up a few "dad jokes" been told a couple today. These are jokes which are clean, but stupid, and the sort of thing
a 'cool dad' tells his kids.
Please add to the list with any you know!
here's a few to get started:
What do you call a fish with no eye's?
a fsh!!
what's brown and rhyms with Snoop?
Dr.Dre
What do you call a pig with 3 eye's?
Piiig!!
So now i've set the standard, please give us some more. If you infact have used these ones already, then you must be a dad!
There is 2 fish in a tank. One says to the other - how do we drive this thing?
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
What do you call a woman with 3 pints on her head?
Beatrix
What do you think of crazy paving? IMHO it's not all it's cracked up to be.
I was offerred a 42 inch plasma tv today for £40. Only problem was the volume control was stuck on full. Still at that price you'd be mad to turn
it down.
Two parrots on a perch .
One says "can you smell fish ?"............
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey.
(or Triumph)
What do you call a blind stag?
No idea.
whats red and invisible?
No tomatoes.
What do you call a gorilla with earplugs in ?
Anything you want..............he can't hear you .
I bet you £20 you can't get me some meat off the top shelf.
No, the steaks are too high.
Butcher, could you get me a pound of kidley please?
Do you mean kidney?
Diddle I say kidley?
quote:
What do you call a woman with 3 pints on her head?
Beatrix Potter
What's Orange and sounds like a Parrot?
A Carrot.
I'm off to bed!
What do you can a man with a spade on his head?
Doug
And a man without a spade
Douglas
quote:
Originally posted by David Jenkins
What do you call a blind stag?
No idea.
What's got two legs and flies?
half a dead horse.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A fish.
What do you call a frenchman with a toilet on his head?
Pierre.
What roars along the riverbed at 100mph?
A motorpike and side carp.
I'll get me coat
cheers
Chris
Whats Invisible and smells of carrots?
Bunny Farts
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
What do you call a man who's being electrocuted under a pile of leaves?
Russell
What do you call a dead, blind stag thats been hit with an axe?
Still no bl**dy idea...
What do you call a man with a tree growing out of his head?
Edward
What do you call a man with three trees growing out of his head
Edward Woodward
[Edited on 7/7/08 by iank]
What do you call a 3 legged donkey??
A wonkey.
Sorry!!!
OK - one dad joke where the kids are a little older...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who can swim the English Channel?
Clever Dick....
Sorry...
how do you get 4 elephants in a mini?
Two in the front and two in the back?
How do you get 2 whales in a mini
(ok you've got to say Whales cause then it could also be Wales)
M4, seven bridge.
Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
Here's one my 11-year old son told me at teatime....
'Why's my willy my best friend....?
...coz he always sticks up for me!!'
Made me choke on me chips, that one did. Kids of today know no shame!
Why did Eyor stick his head in the toilet ?
He was looking for Pooh.......
What goes - "Now you see me, now you don't " ?
A nun on a pedestrian crossing.
A piece of string walks into a bar.
Bar man asks - "Are you a pice of string?"
String replies - "no, im afraid knot"
Why did the Banana go to the doctors?
Because he wasnt peeling well!!!!!
quote:
Originally posted by JUD
OK - one dad joke where the kids are a little older...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who can swim the English Channel?
Clever Dick....
Sorry...