Confused but excited.
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| posted on 19/11/08 at 11:32 AM |
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Don't you love the Irish?
Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!'
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I don’t know! It’s your f***ing plane!!'
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Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'I’m gonna have the day off, I’m gonna pretend I’m mad!'
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I can’t work in the friggin’ dark!' says Murphy.
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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting
on'
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want don’t
you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin’ bed by the looks of it!'
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Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
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Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death
trap!
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Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just can’t hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head to which point
Paddy said 'I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!'
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Paddy & his wife are lying in bed and the neighbour’s dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' and
storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'I’ve put the dog in our garden, let’s see how they like it!'
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An Irishman is humping a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!'
She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'
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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn’t even know they had mobile
phones!'
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Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says 'Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'What’s his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles, from London!'
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An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past and stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'It’s thick
bas****s like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there and kick the s**t out of you if I could swim!'
Tell them about the bent treacle edges!
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Mr Whippy
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| posted on 19/11/08 at 11:39 AM |
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Fame is when your old car is plastered all over the internet
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Benzine
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| posted on 19/11/08 at 11:44 AM |
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XD @ your new avatar, Whippy
The mental gymnastics a landlord will employ to justify immoral actions is clinically fascinating. Just because something is legal doesn't make
it moral.
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x_flow57
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| posted on 19/11/08 at 08:34 PM |
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Nosey
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| posted on 20/11/08 at 01:43 PM |
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Sir! I am outraged!
(Not offended at all actually, I just thought someone from over here should offer some token PC indignation.....)
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RK
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| posted on 20/11/08 at 02:02 PM |
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You know what the Welsh are don't you?
The Irish who couldn't swim.
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