In the beginning
In the beginning
In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, and green, yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and Krispy Crème Donuts.
And Satan said "You want chocolate with that?" and Man said "Yes!" and
Woman said "and while you're at it add some sprinkles." And they
gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the
cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and
garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Cake" and
said "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food".
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to
toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre
into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and its £1 double cheeseburger. And Satan said
"You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes! And super size
them!" And Satan said "it is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created the National Health Service.
|
