Rorty
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 posted on 29/7/05 at 01:25 AM |
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Hangover ratings.
* 1 star hangover
No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
** 2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light
filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
*** 3 star hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after
the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
**** 4 star hangover
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial
spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade
class circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a cheeseburger and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and
NOT have gone out the night before.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
***** 5 star hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so
pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.
****** 6 star hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus
mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus
noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last
occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get
into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.
OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!
Thought so! 
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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rusty nuts
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| posted on 29/7/05 at 07:05 PM |
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Know what you mean , once had what must have been a 7star hangover about 12 years ago , didn't touch a drop for 9 months . haven't had a
hangover since so I must have learnt something. (like take the headache pills before you go to bed)
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JoelP
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| posted on 29/7/05 at 10:22 PM |
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pint of water and an alkaseltzer before bed - you know you're really pissed if you forget to do that!
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scotty g
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| posted on 30/7/05 at 10:37 AM |
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I once got so bladdered i had to be taken to hospital for a stomach pump, I didn't touch alcohol for about three years and i have never got
drunk since, i'm just too scared now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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phelpsa
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| posted on 30/7/05 at 10:50 AM |
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Nope I havent (eerrrrr yet)
Adam
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ned
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| posted on 30/7/05 at 01:21 PM |
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this morning felt like a 2* as i made my way from knebworth back to guildford after a night out in london, a trip to china town, missing the last
train for some chinese food and getting a dodgy cab to a friends place at knebworth. yes i know it was the wrong direction
Ned.
beware, I've got yellow skin
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Rorty
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| posted on 30/7/05 at 01:25 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by ned
... and getting a dodgy cab to a friends place at knebworth.
I hope he was worth it! 
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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rusty nuts
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| posted on 30/7/05 at 06:29 PM |
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3 years? That must have been the mother of all hangovers
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DorsetStrider
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| posted on 5/8/05 at 10:06 PM |
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This is my story...gods honest truth.
I was working in Crete a few years back as a dj, and I got in with the 18-30's reps. So one day in august it was my day off and I run into the
reps "we are doing a caberet tonight...why don't you come along it'll be a laugh"..... muggings he goes along and finds
himself sat on a table with 6 scousers.
So after large amounts of Ouzo I get up to go to the bar and run into Nick (one of the reps) and I say to him "what's a good cocktail to
drink here mate" (I was in an adventurious mood)
"Oh they are all good" says he "but don't touch the sheep shagger!"..... well it turns out that sheep shagger is a house
cocktail..... naturally I ordered one for £8 (blame the Ouzo).......... it turns up in a 4 litre fruit juice jug and man was this stuff
smooth!!!!!!
next thing I know I'm in a drinking contest with the scousers. after the 2nd jug of this stuff I am perfectly clear in my head and decide that
that I need to use the gents so I try to stand up (mistake number 2)
It would seem that this is one of those bizarre cocktails that get you pissed....from the feet up, so instead of standing up I am lying on the ground.
After much effort I manage to get to my feet and wander across the room to where a big neon sign suggests that toliets (presumably the maker of the
sign didn't speak english) could be found.
After a few moments of confusion as I looked for a door that was not in evidence I looked down...... when my eyes had adjusted I realised that I was
looking at a spiral staircase leading to the floor below. Now can I just say what prat thinks spirals staircases are a good idea in a place where
everyone is going to be pished?
I negotiated the stairs, went into the gents and releaved myself into the trough thing and zipped myself up........ it was at this point that I
suddenly realised I was about to be sick, spun round ant launched myself full length at the toilet. projectile vomiting from at least 4 foot away I
got it all in pan. before passing out with my chin propped on the loo seat.
some time later the scouser came looking for me as they hadn't seen me for some time. they asked if I needed anything and as I was sooo
incredibly hot I asked for water, in due course they returned with a big jug of ice water..... I didn't realise it was ice water and emmptied it
over my head..... although this did sober me up it also gave me hypothermia and I ended up spending the night in hospital being treated for alchole
poisoning and hypothermia......who the hell gets hypothermia in greece in august in 93 degree heat?
Who the f**K tightened this up!
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Hellfire
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| posted on 7/8/05 at 12:16 AM |
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Dorset - great story...
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bob
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| posted on 7/8/05 at 06:34 AM |
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Sounds like a normal night out in malia
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