Some funnys to brighten your day!
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman
retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to
carry five persons.""
You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means
four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
the law.
"The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor
over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat
Uno."
**************************
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back
to show off his new flat.
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the
large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
”What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied.
"How does it work?" "
“I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering
blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
"For****sake, you *****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"
**************************
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is
going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other
female friends in addition to my fiancee and you try and guess which
one I'm going to marry".
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?"
"I don't like her."
**************************
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You
are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"
The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your
daughter to death with a spanner."
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You
****ing b*stard!!!"
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the
courtroom,and said,
"Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this
crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I
shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"
Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For
fifteen years lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked
to borrow a ****ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!"
**************************
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he
looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.
After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and
asks for another beer.
This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks
him,
"Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she
looks good enough, I'll go home."
Have a great weekend,
Cheers
Jon
"Everyone is entitled to an opinion however stupid!"
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