Fridays Top Tips
Circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the
garment
from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the
stain
And check that it has gone.
> > > > >
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars.
Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
> > > > >
Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper,
but
you'll also be getting paid for it.
> > > > >
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home
by
filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then
urinating
into it, before jumping in.
> > > > >
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start
eating
cake again.
> > > > >
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive
vibrator.
> > > > >
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
running a
bit slower.
> > > > >
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
> > > > >
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you
from
rolling over and going back to sleep.
> > > > >
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
> > > > >
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to
'fast wipe'
whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
> > > > >
DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on Boxing Day.
They may
find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
|
