donut
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| posted on 1/2/06 at 03:25 PM |
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Noah
Got sent this, it's quite good:
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and
I see
the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before
I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by
building
the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future
costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage
for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save
the owls-
but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
how
many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of
the
people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
leave
the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across
the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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flak monkey
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| posted on 1/2/06 at 03:48 PM |
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Brilliant 
PS Shouldnt that be 6 weeks later, not 6 months  [Picky] 
Sera
http://www.motosera.com
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donut
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| posted on 1/2/06 at 07:46 PM |
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quote:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark
??????????
At least you could be bothered to read it all, if not properly
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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