mangogrooveworkshop
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 posted on 10/2/05 at 11:19 PM |
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One for those IT lads .... Helpdesk classics
> Helpdesk classics
>
>
> Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
> Female customer: A white one...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
> Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
> Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
> Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
> Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
> still on
> my desk... sorry ....
>
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>
> Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
>
> Customer: Your left or my left?
>
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>
> Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
> Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
> Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
> Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
> Bill
> Gates damn it!
>
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>
> Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
> says
> 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
> front of
> the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Customer: I have problems printing in red...
> Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
> Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
>
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>
> Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
> Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
>
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>
> Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
> Customer: It's not working.
> Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
> Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
> happening...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
> Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
> Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
> Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
> Customer: OK
> Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
> Customer: Yes
> Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
> keyboard?
> Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
>
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> Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
> letter
> V as in Victor, the number 7.
> Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A customer couldn't get on the internet.
> Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
> Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
> Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
> Customer: Five stars.
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
> Customer: Netscape.
> Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
> Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on
> My
> computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
> Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can
you
> please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
> Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
> Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more
than
> 4
> hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Helpdesk: How may I help you?
> Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
> Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
> Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle
around
> it?
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Hellfire
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| posted on 11/2/05 at 10:17 PM |
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I bet those are true aswell! 
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mangogrooveworkshop
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| posted on 12/2/05 at 08:41 AM |
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Some more software probs
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into
all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications
such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing
3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once
installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the
only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
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dave1888
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| posted on 15/2/05 at 06:51 PM |
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Helpdesk- good afternoon how can i help
customer- Hi my computer just went off
helpdesk- are there any lights on on the computer
customer- no and the screen is blank
helpdesk- can you check to see if the computer is plugged in at the mains wall socket
customer- no i can't see its to dark
helpdesk- put the light on
customer- the light doesn't work theres been a power cut
helpdesk- this sounds bad do you still have the boxes that the computer came in
customer- yes there in the cupboard
helpdesk- you will need to rebox all the computer bits back up and take it to the shop you bought it from
customer- why is it broken
helpdesk- no your just to f##king stupid to use it
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mangogrooveworkshop
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| posted on 15/2/05 at 08:55 PM |
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btt
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donut
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| posted on 17/2/05 at 11:12 AM |
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I heard of a woman who phoned tech support complaining of a problem. The tech guy asked what operating system she was using, she did not know. tech
guy asked if the computer was running under Windows in which she replied uh i dunno, my colegue has his under a window but there is no window where i
am, shall i move it closer to his window?
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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