Hellfire
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 posted on 29/3/05 at 10:30 PM |
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Darwin Awards 2002
Old but funny - and true!
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps
it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself
up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from own his bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked at the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in
the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I
said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.(hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no
matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the
correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer
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907
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| posted on 29/3/05 at 11:36 PM |
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I just love No 5
Makes me think of Dad's army,
"Don't tell 'em your name Pike"
Paul G
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Peteff
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| posted on 29/3/05 at 11:46 PM |
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Another classic
Permission to panic sir !
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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clbarclay
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| posted on 3/4/05 at 05:46 PM |
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I thought the darwin awards useually where fore people who managed to kill them selves in the act, like the man (Iforget the name) who attached take
off rockets from C130 airctraft to his car.
It worked quite well untill he hit the side of a cliff.
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JoelP
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| posted on 3/4/05 at 07:28 PM |
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thats an urban legend that one!!! i read a link explaining it all a while ago.
but you're right, theyre meant to die, or at least lose their balls
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 3/4/05 at 10:34 PM |
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personally, i think all of the darwin awards are made up......
atb
steve
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Simon
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| posted on 4/4/05 at 07:26 PM |
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Steve,
I'm gonna have to disagree with you there
I think some of the stories are of such monstrous stupidity, they could only be real - see thread
http://www.locostbuilders.co.uk/viewthread.php?tid=24418 - should give you some idea on mankinds ability to top himself in the most spectactularly
stupid fashion!
Even if they are are fake, you still have a laugh reading them!
cdbarclay
As Joel says! It was alledgedly a JATO rocket (Jet Assisted Take Off) on an Impala? Arizona Sate Police were supposed to have had some mention of it
on their website. I never found it.
I did read a story of a group of friends who put "a rocket" on an abandoned railway carriage (with improvised brakes) and fired it. It was
apparently a carriage from a mining line and following an entrance to a mine at some silly speed proceeded to wreck the cliff face and bury all
evidence of what had happened. I printed the story off some time ago - it's quite long!
ATB
Simon
[Edited on 4/4/05 by Simon]
[Edited on 4/4/05 by Simon]
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flak monkey
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| posted on 4/4/05 at 07:33 PM |
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For the Jato story see here....
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html
From the darwin awards website
David
Sera
http://www.motosera.com
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Simon
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| posted on 4/4/05 at 11:16 PM |
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And this is the link the the "railroad" story, that may (or may not) be the origine of it
http://www.cultdeadcow.com/cDc_files/cDc-363/
ATB
Simon
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 4/4/05 at 11:51 PM |
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still think they are made up.
how do you get hold of a second hand jato anyway?
atb
ps
if anyone can find news archives with these stories on them, it would be proof. general articles on misc sites may just be fiction.......
steve
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timf
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| posted on 5/4/05 at 09:31 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by stephen_gusterson
how do you get hold of a second hand jato anyway?
steve
not a jato but here
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clbarclay
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| posted on 5/4/05 at 09:38 AM |
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Hmm, any APU auxillary power unit.
Doesn't generate thrust, but it does turn a shaft. Will it fit a book chassis?
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DorsetStrider
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| posted on 11/4/05 at 10:07 PM |
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My grandad told me tails when I was a kid about when he was in the army.....who's didn't?!
ANYWAY I seem to remember one tail about a couple of guys strapping a jet to a jeep....... I can't remember the specifics but could it be the
guys in Guam?
Who the f**K tightened this up!
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Rorty
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| posted on 12/4/05 at 07:41 AM |
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The Darwin Awards themselves are genuine, but it seems some of the nominated recipients aren't.
Do you guys not get the program Myth Busters over there? Absolutely hillarious and debunks a lot of the urban lengends.
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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I love speed :-P
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| posted on 12/4/05 at 09:17 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
The Darwin Awards themselves are genuine, but it seems some of the nominated recipients aren't.
Do you guys not get the program Myth Busters over there? Absolutely hillarious and debunks a lot of the urban lengends.
Discovery Channel on Sky (551 i think) on sunday nights
Phil
Don't Steal
The Government doesn’t like the competition
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