DaveFJ
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 posted on 31/8/05 at 11:33 AM |
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Bread is dangerous
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates
were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a
mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even
cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body
being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
(I can't take credit for this - found it on t'internet)
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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DarrenW
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| posted on 31/8/05 at 01:53 PM |
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it would appear that F1 has already been alerted to these dangers as you never see bread advertising on the cars!!
Ill just stick with me stotties!
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scoobyis2cool
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| posted on 31/8/05 at 01:59 PM |
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 Hehe I like it. Reminds me of Bowling for Columbine, where the argument was that the murderers had been bowling before they killed but nobody was
blaming bowling. The worrying thing is that there are probably some people who would actually believe something like this...
Pete
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care...
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Mark Allanson
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| posted on 31/8/05 at 04:55 PM |
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12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
Lies, damn lies and statistics
Never a truer word said
If you can keep you head, whilst all others around you are losing theirs, you are not fully aware of the situation
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DarrenW
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| posted on 1/9/05 at 09:01 AM |
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It was after eating Bread that a group of people came up with the good idea of building a city lower than a lake with a huge river to the back of
them.
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Peteff
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| posted on 1/9/05 at 09:21 AM |
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Watch out world....
I had 3 slices of toast this morning instead of my usual 2. Something's going to happen I just know it.
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 1/9/05 at 09:35 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Peteff
I had 3 slices of toast this morning instead of my usual 2. Something's going to happen I just know it.
any of them brown ??? 
(it's an old joke)
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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Peteff
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| posted on 1/9/05 at 02:02 PM |
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Toast recipe.
When it's brown it's cooked,
When it's black it's f**ked.
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 1/9/05 at 02:07 PM |
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THE JOKE ......
A posh hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the night the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple
of shandy's.
One questions the other two, "listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how many times are we expected to...um...you know....
do it" The other two look blankly at him, wondering if the usual 2 pumps and a squirt is enough, or if should they go for it twice, seeing as it
is a special occasion. Eventually, they all decide to retire to their respective wives and see how the night goes, with the idea to meet up the
following morning over breakfast to discuss what went on.
Suddenly one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on lads, we can't discuss our first night marital goings on over the breakfast table with our
new wives sat with us."
"No you're right. What we'll do then, is for every piece of toast we order with our breakfast, that'll be the amount times we
did it" offers another groom. They all decide it's an excellent idea and depart.
The next day in the hotel dining room, the grooms are all looking a bit dishevelled, but that's nothing compared to the brides, who can barely
stagger across the room to their tables. The waitress comes up to the first groom to take his order, "Hello, I'll have the full English
breakfast with THREE pieces of toast please". The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange in a toast to his fantastic
prowess.
The waitress moves to the second couple, and the groom orders, "I too shall have the full English breakfast but could I have FOUR pieces of
toast" The other two grooms turn to make pistols from their fingers to shoot a salute to the master swordsman.
The waitress gets to the last groom "I shall also have the full English breakfast please, yet I shall have..." he takes a deep breath
"SEVEN, yes SEVEN PIECES OF TOAST" he calls for everyone's benefit whilst giving a big cheesy grin to his two wedding mates, who
stare at him in disbelief at the thought how raw his poor corey must be.
"Seven pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress. "Why, that's an awful lot"
"Yes indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is." She writes down his order and turns away, but before she can leave, the groom calls
after her again
"And by the way love, can you make two of those brown?"
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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scoobyis2cool
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| posted on 1/9/05 at 11:48 PM |
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Boom Boom!
Oh, I've never heard it called a corey before, I'll have to remember that one...
Pete
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care...
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