CHAIN LETTERS
> 4 basic types of chain letters
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> Chain Letter Type 1:
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> Make a wish!!!
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> Really, go on and make one!!!
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> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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> wish something else!!!
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> Not that, you pervert!!
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> Is your finger getting tired yet?
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> STOP, DAMMIT!!!!
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> Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
> guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a
> certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
> mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
> It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake
> ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
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> Really!!! Here's how it goes.
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> Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
> sending them a stupid chain letter.
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> Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
> sending them a stupid chain letter.
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> 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a
> stupid chain letter.
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> 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them
> a stupid chain letter.
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> 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be pissed
> off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
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> Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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> Chain Letter Type 2
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> Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
> starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
> legs, no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could be
> saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
> donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from
> Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting
> letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this
> to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you
> accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
> Thanks again!!
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> Chain Letter Type 3
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> Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
> absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
> as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is
> how it works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or
> something horrible will happen to you like:
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> Queer Horror Story #1
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> Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Friday. She had
> recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
> crack in the pavement, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
> drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall.
> Not only did she smell nasty, she died.This Could Happen To You!!!
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> Queer Horror Story #2
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> Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
> ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
> boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went
> to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed
> to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To
> You!!!
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> Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this
> letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
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> Chain Letter Type 4:
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> As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
> your friends.
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> Friends
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> * A friend is someone who is always at your side,
> * A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit,
> * A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly
> ugly,
> * A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
> yourself,
> * A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
> about your loser life,
> * A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
> think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious
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> * A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then
> gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry
> that's the cleaning lady,
> * A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because
> he wants his wish of his crush blowing him to come true.
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> Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!
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> There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of
> chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any
> popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all,
> don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
> If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two
> minutes and forward it. Thanks!
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> Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore
> it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make
> people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from
> Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up
> in a waterfall of shit) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and
> everyone else in the world, and say "FCuK CHAIN LETTERS!!"
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