ken555
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| posted on 30/8/09 at 06:31 PM |
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Taser Gun lol
From another forum
TASER GUN HOW BAD COULD IT BE?????????
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking
for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short. I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the
face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give
this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your
assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm
looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference, pretty cute really, and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A
batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm
sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dips---t,' reasoning that a one
second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one
second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,
pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid
getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by
a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-B----, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparrently I s--t myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint
smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their
safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
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mistergrumpy
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| posted on 30/8/09 at 10:48 PM |
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I first heard that as Adam and his wife Eve it's that old  But it was funny at first.
See
Here
And here
For previous mentions 
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Ninehigh
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| posted on 5/9/09 at 09:51 PM |
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Anyone got a linky for one of them?
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coozer
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| posted on 5/9/09 at 10:04 PM |
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As far as Tasers go they should be banned. They are totally inappropriate to peoples health.
You go up to a plod angry about something, not him, and he will start fingering his taser.. show him any aggression and your on the deck, cuffed and
roughed up something cronick.
The plod treat the public in contempt, doling out far more violence than they receive.
1972 V8 Jago
1980 Z750
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Ninehigh
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| posted on 6/9/09 at 12:23 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by coozer
As far as Tasers go they should be banned.
They are banned, and if the plod are allowed to use them the first part of the training is that the trainer use it on the trainee
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iank
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| posted on 6/9/09 at 12:22 PM |
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Interesting statistic I heard from the states was more people have been killed by 'non lethal' police tasers since they were introduced
than people executed under their capital punishment laws.
The problem is no training can detect people with dodgy hearts and pacemakers. All the policemen getting issued them with be fit and well so will
almost certainly survive a belt with one so believe they are completely safe.
--
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Anonymous
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Ninehigh
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| posted on 6/9/09 at 07:07 PM |
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True, but the idea is that no matter how hard you think you are it's going to effing hurt. Then when you pull it out and point at the
"perp" you're gonna remember how it dropped you and you might well think twice before using it
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iank
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| posted on 6/9/09 at 07:33 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Ninehigh
True, but the idea is that no matter how hard you think you are it's going to effing hurt. Then when you pull it out and point at the
"perp" you're gonna remember how it dropped you and you might well think twice before using it
Most taserings (is that a word?) seem to be more about shutting up someone screaming abuse at the cop so it doesn't seem to work in the states.
Anyone who looks like they might actually assault the cop gets a 'proper' gun in the face. Might end up being different in this country,
but I suspect the attitude amongst many will probably "this is really going to hurt, great, you're really p*ss*ng me off/deserve it for
what you did to your wifes face etc."
--
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Anonymous
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