Rorty
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 posted on 9/2/05 at 11:27 AM |
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A brief lesson in English.
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the marvelous language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are conserves while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English evolved and was created by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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carcentric
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 06:45 PM |
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Because of all that, English is among the best of languages for jokes and puns.
In a similar vein, a patient of mine (with paranoid tendencies) once pointed out that the title "therapist" is simply a disguise for
"the" "rapist".
Former shrink,
M D "Doc" Nugent
http://www.carcentric.com
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Peteff
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 07:08 PM |
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That's why....
no-one wants to visit psycho-the-rapist  . My favourite example is the word "set" which is reputed to have 37 different usages as a verb,
noun and adjective including badger dwelling among its various meanings.
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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RoadkillUK
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 07:17 PM |
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I believe the English fill in a form whilst the Americans fill them out.
Roadkill - Lee
www.bradford7.co.uk
Latest Picture (14 Sept 2014)
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 07:41 PM |
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americans fill everything out - especially their clothing 
atb
steve
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JoelP
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 08:17 PM |
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good god we gotta crap language 
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Rorty
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 08:43 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
good god we gotta crap language
I know you were only joking, but I think it's a terrific language, tremendously difficult to learn if you're a foreigner, but it's
so rich in cross-cultural history, and as carcentric says, is ripe for jokes and puns etc. When was the last time you heard a double-entendre in
German?
I love word games, plays on words and (good) spoonerisms. "Local authorities blame dyslexia for recent rise in toad roll".
Word game: Can you form a proper sentence using the word "the" five times in succession? (Answer tomorrow)
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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omega 24 v6
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 09:11 PM |
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You cut a tree down and then chop it up.
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omega 24 v6
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 09:12 PM |
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And if people from Poland are Poles why aren't people from Holland Holes.
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JoelP
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 09:26 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
I know you were only joking, but I think it's a terrific language, tremendously difficult to learn if you're a foreigner, but it's
so rich in cross-cultural history, and as carcentric says, is ripe for jokes and puns etc. When was the last time you heard a double-entendre in
German?
I love word games, plays on words and (good) spoonerisms. "Local authorities blame dyslexia for recent rise in toad roll".
Word game: Can you form a proper sentence using the word "the" five times in succession? (Answer tomorrow)
i can think of one with 5 'thats' in a row!
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flak monkey
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 09:30 PM |
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Bring some engineering into it...
When using a mill, you are milling
When using a drill, you are drilling
When using a saw, you are sawing
But when using a lathe you are... turning
David 
Sera
http://www.motosera.com
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Rorty
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 09:35 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
Word game: Can you form a proper sentence using the word "the" five times in succession? (Answer tomorrow)
i can think of one with 5 'thats' in a row!
Answer tomorrow?
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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JoelP
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 10:08 PM |
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sure thing! you try mine, i'll try yours...
NO googling!
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Rorty
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 10:25 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
sure thing! you try mine, i'll try yours...
NO googling!
I know a sentence with 7 "that" in succession, I was just wondering what your 5 were.
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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ReMan
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 10:26 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
I know you were only joking, but I think it's a terrific language, tremendously difficult to learn if you're a foreigner, but it's
so rich in cross-cultural history, and as carcentric says, is ripe for jokes and puns etc. When was the last time you heard a double-entendre in
German?
I love word games, plays on words and (good) spoonerisms. "Local authorities blame dyslexia for recent rise in toad roll".
Word game: Can you form a proper sentence using the word "the" five times in succession? (Answer tomorrow)
i can think of one with 5 'thats' in a row!
How about the one thats 11, yes 11, had`s in a row
Likewise no googling
And yes answer tomorrow!
www.plusnine.co.uk
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Rorty
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 10:43 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by ReMan
quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
I know you were only joking, but I think it's a terrific language, tremendously difficult to learn if you're a foreigner, but it's
so rich in cross-cultural history, and as carcentric says, is ripe for jokes and puns etc. When was the last time you heard a double-entendre in
German?
I love word games, plays on words and (good) spoonerisms. "Local authorities blame dyslexia for recent rise in toad roll".
Word game: Can you form a proper sentence using the word "the" five times in succession? (Answer tomorrow)
i can think of one with 5 'thats' in a row!
How about the one thats 11, yes 11, had`s in a row
Likewise no googling
And yes answer tomorrow!
If it's the one I've heard, it's a bit of a cheat, as it includes "had" as an individual's name. Still, it's
a real long contender!
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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JoelP
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 10:48 PM |
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stuff tomorrow...!
"the teacher said that that that that that boy wrote was wrong...'
add a few pauses, it reads quite well. Imagine a kids written the word 'that', but he got it wrong...!
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ReMan
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| posted on 9/2/05 at 11:13 PM |
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Likewise, its nearly tommorrow!
And no "had" is not someones name :-)
I remembered seeing this about 30 years ago, thought it was really clever but did`nt understand it then!
Ann, while Bob had had "had", had had "had had". "Had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.
It has to do with grammar. "Had had" is the past participle (I believe) and Bob had [written] the wrong answer on his HW assignment
www.plusnine.co.uk
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white130d
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 01:13 AM |
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Ouch
Yall is makin' my head hurt.
Yall = 1-4 people
all yall > 4 people
yuins can be substituted for yall.
D.
"There's only 2 things that money can't buy, and that's true love and home grown tomatos" Guy Clark
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carcentric
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 04:59 AM |
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"Y'all" comes from "you all" (i.e. all of you) . . . but where does "yuins" come from?
From the dialectically pure Pacific Northwest,
M D "Doc" Nugent
http://www.carcentric.com
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Rorty
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 05:42 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by carcentric
"Y'all" comes from "you all" (i.e. all of you) . . . but where does "yuins" come from?
From the dialectically pure Pacific Northwest,
You ones? Or as the less well educated in Australia say; "Yous".
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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carcentric
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 03:33 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
quote:
Originally posted by carcentric
. . . but where does "yuins" come from?
You ones?
Ah . . . I can picture the scene that spawned the word:
Uppity tourist meets local and complains about the informality. "When one arrives, it is customary to greet one with a proper
salutation."
Local replies indignantly "Well, we never been visited by you "ones" before, so we don't know what you'ns expect."
M D "Doc" Nugent
http://www.carcentric.com
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Rorty
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 08:24 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Rorty
Word game: Can you form a proper sentence using the word "the" five times in succession? (Answer tomorrow)
OK, it's tomorrow for me.
A bloke was walking along a street and came upon a signwriter up a ladder, painting a pub sign. The pub was called the Pig And Chicken.
The bloke stood and watched the signwriter for a while and then proffered; "Do you not think there's too much space between the Pig and
And, and And and Chicken?"
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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Alan B
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 08:46 PM |
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Rorty, I see 5 "ands".........but no 5 "the's"
Am I missing something?
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Rorty
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| posted on 10/2/05 at 08:51 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Alan B
Rorty, I see 5 "ands".........but no 5 "the's"
Am I missing something?
No, I am!
Cheers, Rorty.
"Faster than a speeding Pullet".
PLEASE DON'T U2U ME IF YOU WANT A QUICK RESPONSE. TRY EMAILING ME INSTEAD!
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