Jon Ison
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 posted on 4/5/05 at 08:28 PM |
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3 word Story ???
Can someone put it all togethor ? is there an easy way to get it as one ?
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zilspeed
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 08:52 PM |
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I was going to - seeing as I'm sort of responsible  - but I figured it would take one sh**load of work to do it.
Not unless some guru would be able to glue it all together using some sort of nifty computery nonsense 
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Simon
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 09:25 PM |
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What, something like:
Born, lived, died.
or
Met, loved, married
or
Sat on bog
or
have I wrong idea?
ATB
Simon
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Simon
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 09:27 PM |
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Oops, just spotted other thread
ATB
Simon
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JoelP
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 09:39 PM |
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thats the biggest thread on the site now! when the front page eventually comes back, it will be at the top of one section or another...
i cant believe ive got 7 pages to read before i can add to it!!! at least its all short posts.
[Edited on 4/5/05 by JoelP]
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phelpsa
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 09:42 PM |
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You dont have to, in fact its better if you dont!
Adam
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JoelP
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 09:51 PM |
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someone stuffed it up by not reading the few posts before their own...
ah well, we cant all be inspired all the time
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 4/5/05 at 10:46 PM |
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several times ive had to delete summat cos by the time ive typed it, its moved on!
atb
steve
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zilspeed
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| posted on 5/5/05 at 07:01 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
thats the biggest thread on the site now! when the front page eventually comes back, it will be at the top of one section or another...
That was never my
..ahemm..
intention
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 5/5/05 at 08:00 AM |
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like this ?
Late last night
I was drunk
and looking for
a very big
pizza to eat.
Unfortunately, because of
the time of
the accident in
the pizza shop
I had to
find another pair
of alternative things
which I could
whirl around repeatedly
from my nipples.
Imagine my distress
when I found
Gerry Anderson had
thrown up on
the BBQ but
that didnt stop
me punch the
ham shank until
Alice came home
Suddenly Bernard Manning
, the very famous
purveyor of comedy
who allegedly wears
anne summers underwear
in a suttle
but rather sexy
way, took off
his thermal underwear
and threw it
at the priest
who was the
actresses best customer
Sickeningly deformed underneath,
by gigantic warts
as you know
is normal when
Feeling up girls
on a thursday
with a sausage
as a prosthesis
attached to the
end of the
very long stick.
Just then, the
knarled old witch
lifted one leg
smiled, flutterd her
horribly deformed and
wizzened bluish-pink
and rather plump
ass crack, and
let one rip!!!!
scorching the linoleum
is a hobby
thats perfected by
practise. Undeterred she
reached for the
pink pile cream
and gave it
three good handfuls
of course sand
Bubbles began apearing
as the starship
surfaced from the
depths of the
pulsating pink chasm.
Meanwhile, in the
exotic city of
Rotheram, the local
village idiot was
trying to escape
the clutches of
Charles and Camilla
's disgruntled hairdresser, who
said last monday,
"I do declare
I've seen your
jack and danny
fishing by the
Maltby pit complex
, dangerously close to
Boris Karloff's second
creation which was
hideously contorted but
smelled of roses
coverd in horse
boxes towed by
rusty old diesel
oil burners, which
had bad flatulence
due too eating
balti chicken pies
and other pastries
. Tony Blair died
in the middle
of an interview
. That my friends
was merely the
the begining of
the end as
we know it.
Meanwhile, in Amsterdam
in a redlight
coffeshop,the real
man of mystery
lord lucan,smoked
kippers in hand,
polished another one
of his famous
For the long
road home' cigars
on a maidens
hankerchief, all the
way up to
the little burnt
chocolate starfish. But
"what was this?"
said the mysterious
three and a
half stone rabbit
to the fishmonger,
who was licking
a wet monkfish
while holding his
thumb gently to
an unusually large
bright pink button.
Progressive rockers 'Yes'
crooned their vapid
and slightly satanic
verse,and then
Late last night
sixteen purple frogs
2.5 squashed toads
and one lizard
were partying hard
in a recipe
For disaster and
baked alaska, when
jack and danny
playing with their
best friends sister
who liked to
take it up
the gary glitter
like her brother.
The JFK assassination
held a fascination
until Michael Jackson
with his unnerving
addiction to children's
parents bank accounts
asked the mother
of all questions
"who likes to
sleep with older
undewear with skidmarks
previously held against
the master of
the Bate's Motel
and their grandmother's
disgusting garden fruits?"
"Not me!" he
said, whilst applausing
another Disney cartoon
while stoned on
chris's secret stash
put up between
Macaulay Culkin's legs
the wild monkeys
were back in
the spacecraft since
Neil Armstrong had
eaten my sandwiches
, oh crumbs he
said,dont push
forgtting to check
the KY tube
was buried deeply
in the massive
cleft between his
hairy toes. Mango
chutney and poppadoms
suddenly a fart
came from his
hidden gaschamber and
killed the old
dalek before his
wife found out.
Then JoelP said
"hey, thats me!!!"
no,it's not
it's your mad
Twin sister, Steve
's anal sex monkey
knocking on the
gates of mordor
with a lettuce
trapped between his
large french bread
and tub of
CV grease, which
works quite well
when lubricating womens
and mens unfeasibly
large, yet chewable
parts, who's getting
stomach cramps and
several underarm odours
likes peanut butter
and jam sandwiches
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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phelpsa
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| posted on 5/5/05 at 09:53 PM |
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I recon we should bring the 'Miserable Caterham owning Bastards' thread back up, to compete with this new contender.
Adam
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 6/5/05 at 08:05 AM |
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an update.......
.......during the night
while taking a
leak before waking
the dead he
ate some crisps
that he found
in his armpit
on christmas eve
3 years ago
whilst welding his
steel toecaps together
in a nasty
vee six configuration
interestingly Robert Mugabe
(famous Yorkshire mint-maker)
said £250 Bollocks!!
Gimme a Tiger
at which point
an indian tigar
from southeast london
entered and said
"Hello, Avon calling"
"A talking tiger!!!!"
with balls as
big as a
pair of coconuts
Coconuts???? Dayyyyo, dayyyo
tally me bananas
in cold custard
. ANYWAY, since were
wolves are around
didn't Leonard Cohen
take it up
the gary,or
my sister's bra
which was very
oily and elasticated
to aid removal
in case of
a surprise visit
by a hungry
gusterwotsit! who then
touched his toes
with that green
smelly thing hanging
from his nose
, and started indescriminately
to sing the
praises of the
beautiful ultima GTR...
parked up his
back passage, filled
with a slimey
car salesman who
replied, one carfull
of chavs ate
my Grandma's budgie
, "fries with that?"
"not today thanks,
said the nun
whilst adjusting her
cosworth's plenum chamber
with divine help
to find the
position of FU1
and FU2.Meanwhile
the nun's boyfriend
was eating his
wensleydale, when grommit
met the robotic
monkey spanking elf
which eats computers
and of course
voted for the
bimbo with the
arse chin society
and other sad
robin hood owners
, but friar tuck
ordered some chips
,for Samantha Fox
who once said
"they are big"
"and very round"
and you wouldn't
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 6/5/05 at 11:29 PM |
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ned.
you just bolloxed up the story.
I suggest that you delete your multiple postings?
atb
steve
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JoelP
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| posted on 7/5/05 at 10:00 PM |
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theres definately a theme forming... im sure 'fish and chip', 'peter and jane' and 'camels lips' have all come up
several times!
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 9/5/05 at 08:21 AM |
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the weekends update.....
float face down
unless there was
JoelP again , however
hovering, taking photos.
However, it was
a wet wednesday
in darkest Rotherham
that the evil
bob the builder
decided to drop
his guts during
PM's acceptance speech
what a lot
of ground walnuts
which came out
.The next morning,
guns blazing, syd
timming his excessively
hairy girlfriend, who
looked alot like
Gorbachev after a
night ont wee
only much fatter
and smelier, was
out eating cheese
and oinion rolls
, washed down with
Tennants Super and
de-icer, after which
no one thought
it would be
too late for
a quick feel
of something very
VW bonnet shaped
or camels lips
But before this,
before i even
think about kissing
the camels lips
I lubricate my
inner throstle sprocket
and overhead flange
with deep heat
or Fiery Jack
balls of fire
came thru the
zipper of grandpa
while kylie minogue
and pope Benedictus
Spanked each other
with smoked mackerel
and Playboy's latest
the fish scales
from hell dvd
made her fingers
wrap around my
fish and chips
what made me
choke up the
vinegar bottle she
had cunningley produced
in mexico using
rawhide mallets and
delicately balanced little
iraqi immigrants. "Take
that george gallaway"
somewhere far away
from us. Meanwhile
at the batcave
ned was bored
it was late
and he was
talking to himself
getting it up
(post count obviously)
boing said zeberedee
time for bed.
Ned, you plonker
"yeah, i know"
he said,but
what about the
bleeding story? ruined!
all because of
too much Yellow
skin and small
feet, and we
need to kill
his sorry ass
everyone who doesn't
like sheep in
batter should try
mars bars instead
because they taste
like roasted ned
. When Linda Lovelace
heard of ned
she gagged on
his hairy thingy
covered in cheese
as ned not
unafraid of BIG
daddy the wrestler
yet Mick McManus
and kendo nagasaki
all pulled his
chain some time
but not hard
coz it would
break his fragile
and rather dangerous
looking tweed slip-on
High heeled loafers
which he has
worn for years
bought from Matalan
in the lady's
changing rooms I
swear he was
humping that oblong
looking bird from
eastenders that wears
a burberry cap
with bingo wings
and peephole bra
beneath her purple
varicose vien that
pulsated in time
with prodigy - firestarter
played at warp
ed sex clubs
by geriatric dj's
. Her support stockings
full of santas
tickled her fancy
camels lips, but
her chocolate wizway
steadily oozed thick
toxic green mucus
which was nice.
One stinking pizza
later, colonel sanders
built a locost
by "the book"
with two eggs,
instead of front
top balljoints,he
used frozen nipples
from a cat
D6 Earth Mover
to make the
brake pedal work
cunning or what?
but didn't realise
that the ratio
of signal to
noise abatement society
would soon be
riddled with STD's
and other random
cartoon characters such
as danger mouse
, pluto and daffy
shagged betty boop
on top of
a traffic cone
when along came
a spider and
sat down beside
Batfink, who looked
at zilspeed and
and yelled WILMA!
please stop licking
your camels lips
as its makin
me very horny
and a bit
high because of
easy start fumes
coming from your
donor cars exhaust
's badly packed kebab
with chilli sauce
and a smell
of your backside.
Meanwhile back at
Neds minging tent
you could clearly
see the remains
of a heavy
breakfast and lunch
stuck to the
porcaline horse, it
yawned back at
tony blair and
shot a pistol
at george galloway
who ducked, the
annoying prat, and
slowly started to
roll a spliff
made from spagetti
and camels lips
Camilla meanwhile had
fish and chips
while charles had
big ears like
A nubile fudgepackers
jack and danny
Eureka shouted Phillip
at last, its
my 950th post
is it really ?
I think so
, but its really
very tastefull that
huge white spoiler
, scraping the clouds,
alas pizza's ready
, gotta go, tara!
Endoplasmicreticulem! gasped her
pram faced mother
(played by Selma
the Nobel prizewinner
Hayek)who then
farted so badly
that livestock, in
outer space - floated
complying with Newtonian
laws of saucemaking
which state that
the amount of
apples and banannas
eaten and digested
is proportionally related
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 10/5/05 at 12:45 PM |
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another somewhat disturbing update in the saga, for those who can't be bothered wading through it!
(by newtons grandma)
to galactic expansion
and Ned's tiny
misshaped pecker that
resembles Peter Lorre
fisheyes and hairy
tentacles of jam
.Meanwhile Bernie Ecclestone
ate a peanut
and choked to
great disbelief of
the saltiness compared
to Ned's litlle
dry roasted nuts
"shiver me timbers"
said the starfish
which was rusty
from being in
a very cold
area of Avoneer's
Intergalactic rooster booster
command centre in
the long lost
far corner of
the worlds largest
pair of undercrackers
as worn by
good old Ned
, he of the
infeasibly large and
exponentially infinite sized
wizened anal crack
which, regularly polished
Northy's yellowing old
ned look-a-like outfit
"CHEAT" yelled the
little yella fella
residing over proceedings
back at the
orbiting space station
while the nuns
played with their
alter candles that
were giving off
strange aromatic smells
and funny coloured
wafts of dark
PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS causing particles
(they are small)
and strangely square
considering their atomic
number, "Ahhhhh" said
Jack and Danny
thru camels lips
on their foreheads
"what about Um-Bongo?"
. What the hell
does this forum
need a three
word story for ?
Bunch of arse
bandit chutney ferrets
. Full Metal Jacket
required for this
utterly random story
and a big
thankyou to zilspeed
for this utter
pile of random
time passing drivel!
Post counts are
through the roof
which is nice
as always but
could do with
being less random
less camels lips
.This is almost
about to be
a world record
32 pages long
and going strong
like old socks
full of holes
and very cheesy
toecream dressed with
your grannys nickers
which hang down
at an odd
angle around the
cheesy camels lips
of my granny
who's stagnant pussy
requires a quick
going over with
a wire rasp
and a grinder.
This will help
the cosmetic surgeon
find her knee's
that scraped the
when completely drunk
Meanwhile back at
the bat cave
robin and alfred
pondering which button
, following adams mistake ,
with the batmobile's
pink furry dice
would result in
a third party
claim for damages
for batmans birthday
present which ate
the original button
which turned on
his young niece
who had lovely
hamsters and gerbils
which ate through
the barbed wire
around her beaver
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 10/5/05 at 07:34 PM |
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i seem to be getting too many mentions in the pervy bits
where is alanB when you need him!
atb
steve
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