Scotty
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 08:34 AM |
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cycle companion wanted...
nutters r us
Happy cyclist
PLEASE NOTE! All comments made by this person are to be considered "Tongue in Cheek" and are not meant to be taken seriously in any way - so there!
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donut
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 08:38 AM |
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Bizarre! He seems the last person i would want to spend time with!!!!
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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ned
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 09:16 AM |
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couldn't be bothered to read it all. what a waste of time!
beware, I've got yellow skin
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indykid
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 09:17 AM |
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ooooooooooooo! get him!
anyway, i'm looking for a female travelling partner in the yorkshire area ..................
crazy
tom
[Edited on 14/7/05 by indykid]
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Peteff
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 09:17 AM |
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Mike R
That name sounds familiar . I'd be very wary of what he's got in his panniers if I was female and went cycling with him.
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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scoobyis2cool
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 09:27 AM |
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Haha, that's hilarious! In a scary kinda way...
Pete
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care...
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DaveFJ
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 09:33 AM |
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Bugger - I was just gonna post that link 
gotta admit he has a way with words
makes this forum almost sane.
Tell you what lets get something going...
how about I mention polybushes and how they should be fitted/lubricated ?
that should get em going... where is our very own locotouriste ? 
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
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DorsetStrider
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 12:35 PM |
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Since we are on the subject I'm also looking for a young and agile, female travelling companion...... young and agile a must, travelling
optional! pmsl
Who the f**K tightened this up!
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JoelP
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 12:45 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by DaveFJ
where is our very own locotouriste ?
rings a bell
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JoelP
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 01:00 PM |
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You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions
printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in the Isles of
Langerhan. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a
jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a
curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into a hostile world. You are an insensate,
blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then should have died of shame in recognition
of what they had done. They are a bit late.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought
of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of
this earth. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose
to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of
your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting.
You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for
attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing,
inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that
of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a
meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a loathsome disease, a puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. You make Quakers shout and strike
Pentecostals silent. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest
composer who ever lived. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns all day if the other politicians would let you. On a good day
you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank
and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish
boot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven
dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing
beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are so clueless that if we stripped you naked, soaked you in clue musk, and dropped you into a field full
of horny clues, you still would not have a clue. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I
feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the
stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the
neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit
more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be
this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by
anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell,
and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted, and that
everyone has an easy time of mastering, but we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things
more difficult. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, social and political struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. Merry
Christmas you mushed-mouthed and mottled monstrosity, and may the New Year reciprocate the global atrocities you seem hell-bent on perpetrating.
Good day.
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JoelP
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 01:01 PM |
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note the use of the word oik... theres a link to considerably there...
dave69 posted!!!
[Edited on 14/7/05 by JoelP]
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zenarcher
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| posted on 14/7/05 at 04:15 PM |
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How do you know i've got bad breath........and the other things?
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Mark18
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| posted on 17/7/05 at 01:33 PM |
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I think his name is pronounced with a silent L.
Mark
"I don't know what I may seem to the world. But as to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore and diverting myself
now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than the ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me." -
Isaac Newton
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