Women!
I came in today and my wife came out with the old classic, "Have you noticed anything different about me?". So I started going through all
the obvious things like " You've had your hair cut, it looks nice". No it's not that, try again. " You've lost the
bit of weight you were on about" No that went three weeks ago. " You've got some new shoes, they look nice". No I've had
them ages. So in the end I gave up and asked what it was I was missing. She said, " I'm wearing a f**king gas mask you idiot" 
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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