DaveFJ
|
| posted on 1/9/05 at 11:52 AM |
|
|
On 'Owning a Canadian'
Found this on T'internet.... tres amusing 
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open
letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow
them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell?
I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't
agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision
have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
Dave
"In Support of Help the Heroes" - Always
|
|
|
|
|
scoobyis2cool
|
| posted on 1/9/05 at 11:45 PM |
|
|
 Brilliant. Did he get a reply? I particularly like the one about shellfish...
Pete
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care...
|
|
|
steve_gus
|
| posted on 2/9/05 at 07:44 PM |
|
|
just shows how bollox organised religion can be.......
atb
steve
http://www.locostbuilder.co.uk
Just knock off the 's'!
|
|
|
The Shootist
|
 posted on 3/9/05 at 01:34 AM |
|
|
Dr. Laura IS a doctor.....
of Philosophy!
|
|
|
Russ-Turner
|
| posted on 3/9/05 at 12:09 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by steve_gus
just shows how bollox organised religion can be.......
atb
steve
Yep, designed to keep people in line. It's things like the stampede at that religious festival in Iraq... where was their God then?!
|
|
|
JoelP
|
| posted on 3/9/05 at 12:53 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by Russ-Turner
It's things like the stampede at that religious festival in Iraq... where was their God then?!
stocking up on virgins...
|
|
|
NS Dev
|
| posted on 5/9/05 at 10:02 AM |
|
|
..................and occasionally I get strange looks from people when I say I don't have a religion!!!
|
|
|
Dunc
|
| posted on 6/9/05 at 12:24 PM |
|
|
Dougal from Father Ted summed up the whole religon thing for me, they're all nothing but mad cults, except for the one involving the Book with
the guy in it, sitting in a green motor preaching we should all wear protection while welding and grinding. Every Sunday I devote myself to it.
|
|
|
