Gav
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| posted on 10/12/05 at 11:40 AM |
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sat morning giggle
Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening. ''Aye, so I have. 'Ties Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then
there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then
I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on
the way home to get another bottle for later...'' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he
held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ''Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a
breathalyzer test.'' ''Why? Don't ye believe me?''
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Gav
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| posted on 10/12/05 at 11:42 AM |
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oo i like this one 
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks if she can help him find something. He says that
he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few moments later the man deposit a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string onto the counter.
The sales girl says confused " Sir .. i thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
He says " You see.. its like this, yesterday i sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of ciggarettes and she cam back with a tin of
tabacco and some rolling papers cause .. ' its so much cheaper!'
So, I figure if i have to roll my own .. so does she..
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Gav
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| posted on 10/12/05 at 11:43 AM |
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When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce
the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the
pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed
Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows
where. More stress!
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the
toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a
shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration
he
accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little
pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that
mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
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Gav
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| posted on 10/12/05 at 11:44 AM |
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What is a lesbian dinosaur called?
A Lickalotapuss.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.
What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.
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