David Jenkins
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| posted on 6/2/06 at 11:48 AM |
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Letters to the Editor that never quite made it to press
Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC
Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never
shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt
The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living
too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up. John
'Alton Towers - Where the magic ever ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colum Hill
I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2
million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by
DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal
record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway
Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P, Leeds
It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as
slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door with a belt. Paul Mulraney, Belfast
My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to
make than this? Alun Daniel
I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his
own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
Alan Thakray
Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously
never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
Alan J., London
Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into
bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some
faster cars. T Barnham, London
COULD the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa.
Les Barnsley
The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is
it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail
Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies
for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike Woods, e-mail
With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers
include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, Email
Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo
Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond
I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much,
but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? Dave Owen, Edinburgh
I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous
Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths. Tripod
I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
Stan
What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J
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IainB
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| posted on 6/2/06 at 07:26 PM |
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 Love it!
I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
Stan
http://s43.photobucket.com/albums/e365/IainB1986/
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JoelP
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| posted on 6/2/06 at 07:27 PM |
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classic.
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donut
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| posted on 6/2/06 at 07:58 PM |
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Superb. Been to the VIZ site have we?
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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David Jenkins
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| posted on 6/2/06 at 09:04 PM |
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Apologies to Viz if that's where they came from - my son sent them to me on Friday...
DJ
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Rob Lane
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| posted on 7/2/06 at 09:05 AM |
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Peter Andre - Classic
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