Classic Clarkson Quotes...

'I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like
having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.'

'... the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician
stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying
there will be no war with Germany '

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: 'It couldn't pull a greased
stick out of a pig's bottom'

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: 'there is a word to describe this car: it
begins with 's' and ends with 't' and it isn't soot

'The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an
Ethiopian transvestite'

'The air conditioning in a Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the
dashboard blowing at you through a straw.'

'Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable
than what... BEING STABBED?'

'This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've got
syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases..''

'I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places
quicker than I do?'

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: 'Trespassers in the motorcars domain,
they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road,
some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an
obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.'

'Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably because
they don't have wheel-chair access.'

On Mandela's claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy: 'Well Mr
Mandela why don't you go and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban prostitutes
which way her parents voted?'

'Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough
affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the
cheapest Ferrari of them all!'

On the Lotus Elise: 'This car is more fun than the entire French air force
crashing into a firework factory.'

'Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved...
for a murderer.'

'I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to
be on my plate at supper time.'

'There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of
stitching... on their face.'

'Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you
like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it
helps.'

'You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to
Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lapdance, she's a
woman!'

'Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a
sportscar...
in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a
President.'

On the Porsche Cayenne: 'Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous
wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.'

Unfortunately none have been –

‘I’ve been told getting run over by a train won’t hurt, but lets find out…’

Clarkson despite being an arrogant tosspot with a very strange world view, has two significant talents.
One is being able to take it as well as dish it out* and the other is an endless parade of amusing one liners.


* If you watch at the video where the student pies him he doesn't throw a celebrity hissy fit but seems genuinely amused.

...and for those that don't like him, change the channel (assuming you have stewardship of the remote control in your own home) and stop bl00dy whinging

quote:

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Originally posted by nick205


...and for those that don't like him, change the channel (assuming you have stewardship of the remote control in your own home) and stop bl00dy whinging

---

Very amusing, then I saw Mr Whippy's avatar,

just got the laptap working again after dropping it laughing.......

[Edited on 20/11/08 by r1_pete]

I'll never forget my personal favorite:

"This car could snap knicker elastic at 40 paces"

"The corvette is pretty much like herpes, great fun catching it, not so much fun to live with"

about the brera:
"there is a diesel version, if you're the kind of person that thinks the mona lisa should have a moustache..."

I changed TV channels tonight and by chance caught this on an old TopGear.

"Everybody knows that things measured in grams are more exciting than things weighed in pounds." - J Clarkson

adrian