Im best man this friday, i aint wrote a speech and im totally stuck what to say! i cant think of anything!

Its for my brother althought i cant remember anything funny from our child hood at the moment or anything safe from out stag do!! in prague


I have one thing to say but cant put it into words to make it sound funny.....can anyone help.....

''He met her out on town, the next day he went to pick her up and just in case he did have his beer google on the night before he kept it in 1st gear ready to pull away!!''

...anyway im off to church for rehersals, lets hope there is some good comments by the time im back at 9!

kris

[Edited on 30/5/06 by Krismc]

One gag to use " The bride looks like one in a million...........The groom looks like he's been won in a raffle"

Dont mention him and the sheep!

Been there, done that...

A bit of advice - if you can't quote old memories or think of something really funny (and clean!) to say, then play it straight. Thank all the guests for coming, compliment the bridesmaid(s), read the cards if that's what they want you to do, then wish them both the very best. That way you sound cool and professional, instead of like a dummy! Everyone will apreciate that.

David

check out best man speeches.com there are some crackers on there!

quote:

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Originally posted by stevec
Dont mention him and the sheep!

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The worst best man speeches are ones that tell "funny" stories that aren't funny. Times two if they are crude.

Don't make it longer that you have good material for, only say nice things about the bride, compliment the brides mades. Say they make a nice couple or something similar and wish them a long and happy life together. End on a toast to the bride and groom.

Your mum must have some "stuff" on your brother. Things he did as a kid, his old teddy that you can pull out and say "he could never sleep without this", that kind of think. Ask her.

The speech given by my best man was quite probably the best I've ever heard.

Lasted about 5 mins - he thanked everyone for coming, mentioned the cards from those that couldn't attend, saying if they couldn't be bothered to come, he wasn't gonna bother reading them

Perfect. Who wants to listen to mindless drivel for 1/2 an hour.

Good luck

ATB

Simon

plenty of website to help you there mate, google 'wedding speeches'. Cant go wrong.

keep it short and sweet.

Probably not much help mate, but the last wedding I went to the best man recounted the story of the groom parking his dads car upside down on a fountain in someones front garden.

Unfortunately he was drunk, lost his license for 3 years had to retake his test, his dad lost his 4 yr old 7 series and had to pay the damages.

Probably seemed very funny when he was writing his speech but most people didn't know where to look.

Anyway......Good luck.

cheers for all the replys!!

Ill see what i can dO!

I was best man at my wifes wedding, I wouldn't suggest this as a good course of action if you want to remain on good terms with your brother! I would add I was not my brothers best man - good job really!

The best wedding speach i ever heard was from my uncle when he gave his daughter away. He had pictures sent round every table and you looked at them one at a time as the story progressed. It was amazing - but he was a high school head master so was used to this sort of public speaking. How he got Ruud Guilet(sp) camping, flashing her knickers at 3,7, 12, 20 into the same story was brillient.

Only read the cards (if you have to) of the people who aren't there, perhaps even paraphrase them (as they will all say have a happy wedding) so its "frank, john, betty, sue, etc etc are all sorry they can't be here and wish you luck"

If you're brave enough, slip up when you're thanking people (if you do) a fantastic moment was when the groom at one wedding thanked his parents, her parents, and then said the imortal,

"and finally i'd to shag the bridesmaids Sharron, Angella ....." he stopped, went red and the ENTIRE room killed themselves laughing. It was a genuine, honest mistake.

But as others have said, if you're not a geniune comedian its better for your speach not to be remembered than to be remembered for the wrong reasons.

Was that her first wedding Russ? If he's the best man why isn't she marrying him? I'd like to spank the bridesmaids, only the ones over 18 though.

I remember a guide to writing the speech in an old FHM magazine.


One of the key points was:

"Remember, your aim is to embarass the Groom... not the Bride's mother"


Hope it goes well,

James

EDIT: Quite a good link...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A695324

[Edited on 30/5/06 by James]

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kris, Karl's younger brother, All though my sir name is…. Would-you-like-a-drink. So If you do see me later on, please come up and say hello, and remember use my full name!.....

Karl was born on Monday 20th August 1980. I DID TRY to link this to some world event, but it seems that nothing else happened that day….although the staff at the Hospital STILL call it ‘Monkey Boy Monday

It's great to be stood up here today because, after all these years, Karl has finally admitted that I am the best man

When Karl met jane for the first time, He met her out @ town, the next day he came up to me and worringly said that he couldn’t fully remember what she looked like and he may of had his beer ‘googles’ on, he really was in a panic when he first went to pick he up- But anyway as you can all see in the end I’d like to say that Karl, you have found someone that is attractive, smart, funny and loving. And Jane, you have found (shrug)…..Shrek erm. KARL!!!

I laughed when I looked up the meanings of Karl and Jane’s names. Apparently Jane means Gracious and Merciful which is scarily true given that she is marrying my brother.
Then I became a bit concerned when I looked up Karls’s name. I’ve always thought Mam and Dad were fairly sensible, but they must have been smoking something when karl was born if they honestly thought that a name meaning ‘handsome’ suited Karl….sorry Karl


Any way id like to Thank all the guests for coming,

The bridesmaids Lisa, Kassandra, Emily and Klya all look beautiful

*****READ CARDS*****
So since I’m standing I think it’s only fair that the rest of you grab a glass and do the same.
Karl and Jane


[Edited on 31/5/06 by Krismc]

looks pretty damn fine to me.

if there are lots of cards tho please be aware its REALLY boring listening to "jane and jack are sorry there can't be here for your big day".

couple of presenting tips

don't drink anything but water before hand, milk (even in tea) makes your throat phelgmy.

relax and pretend your speaking to someone a little deaf - speak slowly and clearly.

smile - you'll sound happier.