A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's ass. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?", asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"



David

A vicar decides to bunk off services ona Sunday toplay golf so he phones his Bishop and says he is sick and needs cover. He is on the golf course and God and Lucifer are watching. God decides to exact a little retribution, Lucifer suggests lightening and floods but God decides on something subtler. First tee the vicar swings and the ball goes straight in the hole. He dances round a bit cheering and then does the same thing at the second tee. Lucifer says to God " Two hole in ones, how is that punishment?"
God replies, "Who's he going to tell?"

yours, Pete.