David Jenkins
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| posted on 26/7/04 at 03:27 PM |
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Church notices
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
- Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget
your husbands.
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
-Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.
-Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
-Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
-For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
-Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
-Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
Jack's sermons.
-The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
-Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
-A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want remembered.
-Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
-The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication
to follow.
-The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
-This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
-Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
-The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
-Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
-The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
-The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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dave1888
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| posted on 26/7/04 at 10:43 PM |
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Laugh i nearly pissed myself 
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alfasudsprint
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| posted on 27/7/04 at 12:13 AM |
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Larf? We nearly shat. We hadn't larfed so much since uncle died, or aunt Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle....or something like that
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