ijohnston99
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 10:50 AM |
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Halloween public Service announcement
Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.
If your children speak to you in Latin, Sanskrit, or any other language
which they should not know, shoot them immediately. Although this seems harsh, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note that it will take
several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
Always believe the kid. Even if the kid has lied before, even if you think that the kid has been watching too much TV -- believe the kid.
If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with
relief -- GET OUT!
If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
The weirdo is always the one who saw this coming.
Do not take anything from the dead.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you're doing.
If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many kids as you can and then get out of the area.
Never, ever, make fun of the "odd" kid.
Don't go camping.
If at any time the house or place you're staying in asks you to get out - Get out! DON'T argue.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of the female persuasion and/or wearing high
heels. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came
because the maniac/spirit/demon/ creature is now in front of you.
Listen to the dying person. They have the best ideas.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,
etc., kill them immediately.
If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, and you think it strange because you were sure you had half of a tank, shoot yourself. You are
going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
Never speak to clowns in sewers.
Castles are not normally found in the American Midwest. Be wary.
Beware of strangers bearing strange tools; for example: chainsaws, power tools, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers,
butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, laser pistols, Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators, or any devices made from deceased companions.
Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine.
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JoelP
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 11:22 AM |
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lol!
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Hugh Paterson
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 11:35 AM |
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Wee chortle
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Peteff
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 12:13 PM |
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You forgot to mention
If you find the bedroom window open and the curtains blowing wildly, don't check the wardrobe. .
Also don't bury your pets in unallocated locations.
yours, Pete.
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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Mark H
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 12:32 PM |
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Nice one!! I'll keep the advice in mind.
Mark Harrison and
Q986 KCP back from the dead...
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mackie
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 12:34 PM |
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On a serious note, put a bucket of water under your letter box!
Some old granny up north got killed when some shits put a firework through her door as a "trick".
Some trickers have also been known to put shits through letter boxes too!
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Hugh Paterson
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 06:23 PM |
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cowabanger
The best trick is a carrier bag full of cow poo complete with large BANGER through the letter box (sordid childhood), but I am better now
Misspent youth
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Hellfire
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| posted on 31/10/03 at 09:26 PM |
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Cow Poo??
Hugh - so it was you was it?
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kingr
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| posted on 1/11/03 at 11:58 AM |
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Another fairly evil one is to put a load of cow/dog/whatever crap on their doorstep, place a few sheets of newspaper on top, ring the doorbell, and
then light the newspaper. End result - person comes to door, finds small bonfire on doorstep, tries to stamp it out, and gets crap everywhere. Not
new, but just as evil today as when it was first dreamed up by some twisted little git.
Kingr
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ijohnston99
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| posted on 1/11/03 at 05:14 PM |
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quote:
Not new, but just as evil today as when it was first dreamed up by some twisted little git.
Shug (Hugh Paterson) is old enuff it was probably him!!!
[Edited on 1/11/03 by ijohnston99]
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