There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
Both concave and convex,
It could please either sex,
But,oh,what a bastard to clean!

There was a young fellow from Leeds,
Who got stung on the neck by some wasps,
When asked if it hurt,
He said, "No not a bit
They can do it again if they want"

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.

There was a young woman from Boda
Who had an erotic pagoda
The walls of its halls
were festooned with the balls
and the tools of the fools who bestrode her

There was a young woman from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake.
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in her ear
And said "Oi! It's too bloody dangerous to swim here!"

there was a young girl form Kilkenny
whose usual charge was a penny
for half of that sum
you could roger her bum
what a source of amusement for many

There was a young qwine fae glengarry
Christ she'd a fud like a quarry
When she sat doon on her hide
Expecting a ride
A manny backed in wee a larry

There was a young man from madras

whose ballocks were made out of brass

when they both clanged together they played stormy weather

and lightening shot out of his arse.

Qwine = young girl for the uneducated amongst us

There was a poor parson from Goring,
Who made a small hole in his flooring,
Fur lined it all round,Then laid to the ground.
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.

There was an old woman from Horton
Who had a long tit and a short un.
Not only that,
She'd a whopping great twat
And a fart like a 500 Norton.

There was a young girl from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think,
But was grey, had long ears
And ate grass.

There was an old man from Kentuckit
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with great cheer
If my chin was my ear
And my ear was a c*nt, I could f*ck it!

There was a young girl from the Cape
Who was had by a rather large ape.
The offspring was horrid,
All arse and no forehead
And its knob was all bent out of shape.

the homemade car builder called rorty
knows more limericks than he ought tae
later on when he
gets asked just how many
he'll answer twelve thousand and forty

pref anon.....

A fisherman off of Cape Cod
Said "I'll bugger that tuna,by God!"
But the high minded fish
resented his wish,
And nimbly swam off with his rod.

A bobby of Nottingham Junction
Whose organ had long ceased to function
Deceived his good wife
For the rest of her life
With the aid of his constable's truncheon.

There was a young fellow called Lloyd
Who was frequently under-employed
At his regular job
So he polished his knob
Making customers very annoyed.

There was an old man from Bengal
Who had a hexagonal ball
The length of his flute
Was twice the cube root
Of three times the square
Of f*ck all

There was a young lad from Darjeeling
Who took a bus ride to Ealing
It said on the door
Do not spit on the floor
So he lay down
And spat on the ceiling

There was a young plumber called Leigh
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said "stop your plumbing,
There's sombody coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

There was a young fellow called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I'll admit
I'm a bit of a sh1t,
But think of the money I'll save!"

There was a young mate of a lugger
Who went out with a girl just to hug her.
"I've my monthlies" she said,
"And a cold in the head,
But my 4rse seems OK....do you bugger?"

A Catholic priest from Madrid
Who looked with lewd eyes on a kid,
He said "with great joy
I could bugger that boy.
I'll be damned if I dont!"....And he did!

There once was a guy called rorty
His limericks were everso naughty
His rhyms are misleading
but funny and appealling
Has you laughing where you really shoudn oughtae

There was a young girl from Peru
Who dreamt she was f*cked by a Jew.
She awoke in the night
In a hell of a fright
And found it was perfectly true.

Last one for now:

There was a young man from Thorpes
Who was troubled with psychotic warps.
His idea of fun
Was to bugger a nun
And then vomit all over the corpse.

There was a young lady named Sharkey
Who had an affair with a darkey.
The result of her sins?
It was triplets, not twins,
One white, and one black, and one khaki.

There was a young lady whose grammar
was deadful, and so was her stammer
Things were not improved
when her husband was moved
to knock out her teeth with a hammer

[edward gorey]

There was a young fellow from Harrow
Whose John was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's this for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrow."

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rorty
There was a young lad from Darjeeling
Who took a bus ride to Ealing
It said on the door
Do not spit on the floor
So he lay down
And spat on the ceiling

---

either way they're very weird in ealing

There was a young woman called Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
She said "I do this
From a dire need to piss,
And not from sectarian malice.

A horny young woman from Cheyne
Crept into the vestry unseen.
She pulled down her knickers
And also the vicker's
And said "How about it old bean?"

A keen scented man from Tacoma
Was awarded a special diploma,
For his telling apart
Of a masculine fart
From a similar female aroma.

There was a young man from Poole,
Who found a red ring on his tool,
The Doctor,a cynic,
Said "Get out of my clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick you fool!"

quote:

---

Originally posted by marcyboy
there was a young girl form Kilkenny
whose usual charge was a penny
for half of that sum
you could roger her bum
what a source of amusement for many

---

maybe it was

there was a young lad form Kilkenny
whose usual charge was a penny
for half of that sum
you could roger his bum
what a source of amusement for many

but not for me i'm not into same sex relationships... but i don't mind reffereeing two women

Should have kept my trap shut!

Mark

lol