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The Ant and the Grasshopper
Scotty - 31/5/06 at 07:59 AM

The Ant and the Grasshopper


CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

The End


THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table laden with food.
The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer while others have plenty.
The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving Babies Party and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house.
The BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby with the breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."
Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire the requisite number of grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.
The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company (funded by the EU).
The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed and Diane Abbot is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10m.
The grasshopper soon dies of a drug overdose and the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana growing operation and terrorize the community.

The End

omega 24 v6 - 31/5/06 at 11:27 AM

I would LOL if this were not so trucking frue. Sad state of affairs in this country at the moment

Confused but excited. - 31/5/06 at 04:41 PM

FCUKING AY!

Hellfire - 31/5/06 at 05:09 PM

Sounds about right

Marlon - 31/5/06 at 06:40 PM

Unfortunatley this is the way our country is, We who go out and earn an honest crust always get the 5hitty end of the stick!

JoelP - 31/5/06 at 08:20 PM

bummer...

really pisses you off reading it cos it is too true.

wanna be builder - 1/6/06 at 08:36 AM

guys put down your daily mails and turn off your 100 best nick griffin speachs, go get laid by your SO and chill!
take a look out you window, do you see the hoards of illeagal immigrants destroying society?? thought not. all most of these people want is a chance to work to make better lives, hence why they do the shitty jobs like cleaning offices in london for f**k all, which nobody of UK birth wants to do.

quote:
Five illegal immigrants have been arrested after turning up for work to clean a Home Office building.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/the_daily_politics/4997136.stm

As for the poor being a burden on society, because they are poor the cant afford the accountants to help them dodge the tax laws like the rich do.


quote:
Tax avoidance is costing the country an estimated £10bn a year in lost tax revenue, according to figures supplied by HM Revenue & Customs

http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2006/03_march/02/money.shtml

so what happens when business and the wealthy dodge their responcibilities? the tax burden gets moved back on to those who cant afford accountants ie the middle class, the poor, the old or those with families.

as soon as tax law gets changed so that everybody pays 20% on their net income with no concessions or execptions the better iirc back in the mid 90's a landed gent with a massive estate and 6 figure income managed to get away with paying about £6k tax for the year because he had a good accountant.

imho it makes no sence to blame poor people for being poor

JoelP - 1/6/06 at 06:41 PM

i think its more a case of blaming spongers for being spongers, rather than blaming poor people for being poor. And i may not see hordes of illegal migrants, but there are plenty enough for now.

Peteff - 1/6/06 at 11:49 PM

Ever watched Ideal? I live across from the local Moz. I bought my house 23 years ago and the opposite side of the street is now all furnished rented terraces, with rent at £70 a week only DHSS tenants get them as that is the limit for subsidy. A disappointed customer put their front window through a couple of weeks ago so now they have cardboard glazing. It's not immigrants pulling the country down, it's people who think the country owes them a living.

spunky - 2/6/06 at 09:15 AM

Last year B Liars government admitted they have no idea how many illegal immigrants there are in the country,
but its Ok 'cos this week they have decided to stop isuing them with NI numbers.
Apparently they are using them for fraudulent benefits claims...well duh!!!

Anyone read 'To Hell in a Handcart'?

John

scotty g - 3/6/06 at 07:16 AM

I bet those chuffing spiders have all got national insurance numbers by now too!!!!!!!!

wildchild - 4/6/06 at 07:04 PM

quote:
Originally posted by wanna be builder
guys put down your daily mails and turn off your 100 best nick griffin speachs, go get laid by your SO and chill!


rotfl.

I was starting to despair at this thread up to that point.

wildchild - 4/6/06 at 07:10 PM

oh and re the NI numbers thing:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5036864.stm

"When a person finds a job but has no legal papers, they are interviewed at a job centre to establish their identity.

Staff must issue numbers even if they suspect the applicant has no right to work. Each case is then investigated. "

So it sounds like they have been applying the principle of "Innocent until proven guilty". Terrible isn't it? Whatever next?? Why-Oh-Why-Oh-Why......(etc)

quote:

Apparently they are using them for fraudulent benefits claims...well duh!!!


Erm well apparently they've actually been using them to *WORK*! Surely not?



[Edited on 4/6/06 by wildchild]

spunky - 4/6/06 at 08:04 PM

So let me get theis straight...

When an individual enters the country 'ILLEGALLY' they have 'NO LEGAL PAPERS' and have 'NO RIGHT TO WORK' because they are here 'ILLEGALLY' and this nice country still issues them with NI numbers.

OK, I got it now.

My mistake, of course when someone turns up looking for a NI number, sorry, I mean 'work' with no form of ID and no papers whatsoever to support their claim, we should and must issue them with a NI number and all the forms and an interpreter so that they can speedily claim income support, housing benefit etc. etc.
I mean it's obvious, they must have left their papers on the bus on the way to the SS office....

Yep, now I think it through, it all seems perfectly reasonable.

John

Confused but excited. - 4/6/06 at 08:38 PM

Let's not be too hard on the Government. After all, only 1300 old people died in Wales last year because they couldn't afford adequate heating!