picked up off IOL Funny story

Licence in a day - nothing ventured, nothing paid

James Clarke
August 25 2004 at 07:00AM
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=2710

The traffic police are getting sticky about driving licences. If they are badly forged - like hand-drawn using wax crayons on a tatty piece of a Kellogg's box - policemen tend to narrow their eyes and ask awkward questions.

But, not long ago, there was an advertisement in a Johannesburg newspaper:

"Get your public driving permit in 1 day. All codes - R295. Guaranteed. Plus driving references. Phone ..."

Ring. Ring.

Good morning! Goeie ever so màore! Sawubona! This is the Angesabi Driving Academy as advertised on the trees and on all the poles in your suburb. Togetherness Tshabalala speaking!

"Not THE Togetherness Tshabalala? Not the demon ithekisi driver of Diepkloof?"

Indeedly! This is myself in my stockinged feet.
"Hey, man! I want to learn to drive one of those 80-wheel mechanical horses with a double trailer and a 30 000 megawatt engine and a funnel coming out the roof and where you have to use a ladder to climb into the cab, and ..."

No problem.

"But I can't even drive a car."

No problem.

"You can teach me in a day?"

Verily. This is a crash course.

"When can I start?"

Nine tomorrow. The first session is theory. We discuss the golden rules - such as always give way to vehicles bigger than yours. We explain how to race down a hill so that the cars behind can't overtake, and then how to crawl up the next one so they still can't overtake. I am proud to tell you that one of our graduates holds the record - he had 7,5km of cars queuing behind him!

"What do I need?"

How's your eyesight?

"Not too bad in my left eye."

Good. In any event, these big trucks have horns operated by compressed air so people can hear you coming from 10km away.

"But what if I find I can't handle a 60-ton vehicle?"

Then drive a taxi.

"But what about a licence?"

For a taxi? No problem. You take your driver's test in Kuvele Ingozi in northern Zululand where, providing you don't run over too many chickens, you get your licence.

"Bonga!"

No sweat.