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Dead dad conundrum....
owelly - 26/12/13 at 08:12 PM

On Christmas eve in 1976, whilst my brother and I slept, my dad popped to my grans to collect or pressies from Santa. He didn't come back. He left us in a remote village with no car, cash or pressies. He'd moved in with his new woman who had two kids a similar age to me and my brother (5&7) so gave them our pressies.
Fast forward to last week:
My mam got a message to tell me and my brother that dad had died. He hadn't left a will and me and bro were next of kin.
We trundled off to see the solicitor who was acting as Executor of his estate and it seems he had a successful coal business. Just after he'd been diagnosed with cancer, he'd wrapped up his business and put his gear in storage on a blokes farm.
We popped to see the bloke storing the gear and he's cut the locks off the storage containers, cut open the safe and sold the diggers.
Unsure what to do we returned to the solicitors who suggested we leave it until they reopen in the new year.
I popped to the local cop shop for a bit of advice. Plod took loads of details and phoned me back.
He agreed that nothing should have been cut open or removed but the only person able to report it, is the owner, or in our case, the executor. The bloke who cut the locks off claims the solicitor told him to do it a sell stuff for scrap price. The bloke also denied ever seeing the diggers until we showed him the piccies on Google Earth! And justto put the boot in a bit more, my dads brother asked me if we'd got the £28,000 that was in the safe!!
Not sure why I've posted this but writing it down may help me get my head round it all!!

speedyxjs - 26/12/13 at 08:25 PM

Hope you get it all sorted ok.

jacko - 26/12/13 at 08:30 PM

Wow Owelly sorry to here about your passed. I hope it all gets sorted for you and your brother
and good luck in the new year
Graham

T66 - 26/12/13 at 08:46 PM

u2 sent

StevieB - 26/12/13 at 08:48 PM

That's a bit rubbish matey - hope it all comes good.

Biggest fact I think is that if a solicitor told someone to do something like cut the locks off and sell it for scrap, it would almost certainly be in writing. Whats been done is, by any measure in my mind, criminal. It's bloody frustrating for now but when the executor has had his turkey and is back on the job, I'm sure it'll get ironed out.

mookaloid - 26/12/13 at 09:00 PM

Wow that's a tough one

Good luck sorting it mate

big_wasa - 26/12/13 at 09:00 PM

I've seen my dad may be five or six times since I was13. That's more than twenty five years ago now.

When my parents separated he left here with less than nothing. And he never paid a penny towards me or my three brothers. Intact I was down my mum's for xmas lunch she showed me a letter from the csa to ask if they could write of the uncollected debt of ten grand for while my youngest brother was at college.

I don't know how he dodged it but he did. He worked until s few years ago bought his own house and had a brand new car every the years.

bob - 26/12/13 at 09:27 PM

quote:
Originally posted by big_wasa
I've seen my dad may be five or six times since I was13. That's more than twenty five years ago now.

When my parents separated he left here with less than nothing. And he never paid a penny towards me or my three brothers. Intact I was down my mum's for xmas lunch she showed me a letter from the csa to ask if they could write of the uncollected debt of ten grand for while my youngest brother was at college.

I don't know how he dodged it but he did. He worked until s few years ago bought his own house and had a brand new car every the years.





Snap......still does not help Owelly but i certainly feel for you.

ali f27 - 26/12/13 at 09:37 PM

Sorry to here about that i am sure it will sort in the new year 99% sure its theft go canny and have a good think he has already lied might take some time but you will get him
Good luck Ali

big_wasa - 26/12/13 at 09:41 PM

Nah, I was just thinking out aloud that I may have something similar to come.

rusty nuts - 26/12/13 at 10:05 PM

Hope you get it sorted mate

woodster - 26/12/13 at 10:06 PM

Just my 10ps worth, I really feel sorry for you and your brother but if it had sadly happened to me i wouldn't have even gone to look at what he'd left in his will, i'd have told the solicitor not to both me again, he left in 76 and that for him was the end of caring for me and it works both ways, as for the farmer that sold his stuff he's welcome to it I wouldn't want anything any way ...... My sister in law paid for the funeral of her father many years after he left her as a child without any contact or support , he died penniless and without any friends she got a phone call out of the blue as next of kin, she's a better person than me I'd of said I didn't know him

jollygreengiant - 26/12/13 at 11:06 PM

Go and get your OWN solicitor and seek INDEPENDENT legal advice with the view of going to see the OTHER solicitor with yours in tow as your dads solicitor is only acting on your fathers behest (and his own).


Family deaths leave behind a mine field for those left behind and generally the only ones to benefit are the solicitors. My Mum died leaving a DIY will that was deemed legal. I (the youngest) was in no financial position to do anything being unemployed at the time. My Father survived my Mum 2 years but he was just a free tenant in the property until he died. The few belongings of his own were basically his war medals, his flying log books, his swimming medals (5-6 solid gold, 10 -12 solid silver and 4 - 5 solid bronze ), an limited edition 4' x 2' Malta Falcons (229 sqn Spitfires), his clothes and that was about it. Within the house were various items of personal belonging to us 5 children.

Long story short, I got accused of removing stuff, after one of my many visits to check building security (I lived 4 miles from my parents house every one else lived between 60 miles (1 sibling) - 140 miles (2 siblings) and Australia. I never received my Fathers Logs books or the print. (I was supposed to, but it was never written down). I never got my OWN log book or personal photos. I never received a pay out from my mother will. My Children never received a payment from their Grans Will. This has been the same treatment for my only brother. BUT we believe all my sisters and their children have been payed out. My Brother and I cannot prove this because despite numerous requests for a financial statement about my Mothers will we have not seen one and our requests for information just go un-answered.

IF money was no problem to me then I might be tempted to seek legal redress, but, it then becomes a matter of how big a pile you want to throw at/into a sewer.

Reading between the lines on your problem, some one has worked themselves a nice little earner in the fairly certain light that not a lot could be done about it, EVEN IF some one is inclined or WANTS to do something. I feel sorry for you mate. BUT, go and see YOUR OWN Solicitor first before you do anything else.

MikeRJ - 26/12/13 at 11:20 PM

quote:
Originally posted by woodster
Just my 10ps worth, I really feel sorry for you and your brother but if it had sadly happened to me i wouldn't have even gone to look at what he'd left in his will, i'd have told the solicitor not to both me again, he left in 76 and that for him was the end of caring for me and it works both ways, as for the farmer that sold his stuff he's welcome to it I wouldn't want anything any way ...... My sister in law paid for the funeral of her father many years after he left her as a child without any contact or support , he died penniless and without any friends she got a phone call out of the blue as next of kin, she's a better person than me I'd of said I didn't know him


On the one hand I can understand your sentiments, but don't I think the scumbag farmer should get away with theft.

As someone else has said, instruction from solicitor would have been made writing. If that is for some 'reason' not available then it would be a simple matter to contact the solicitor who allegedly issued the instruction.

owelly - 27/12/13 at 09:28 AM

Thanks for the replies and u2us.
A big part of me wants to turn my back and walk away but I can't. I need to do the right thing.
There may have been reasons I'm unaware of why he left. Thats grown up stuff. My mam is coming round later so I may try to ask her but as she has just been diagnosed with cancer I don't really want to put her on the spot.
I'm sure 2014 will be better!

unijacko67 - 27/12/13 at 10:01 AM

What a cool approach, you're a top chap.

zilspeed - 27/12/13 at 10:05 AM

I'm a bit open mouthed here.

T66 - 27/12/13 at 10:24 AM

quote:
Originally posted by owelly
Thanks for the replies and u2us.
A big part of me wants to turn my back and walk away but I can't. I need to do the right thing.
There may have been reasons I'm unaware of why he left. Thats grown up stuff. My mam is coming round later so I may try to ask her but as she has just been diagnosed with cancer I don't really want to put her on the spot.
I'm sure 2014 will be better!




I get where your coming from, it's got nowt to do with the money or whatever, the driver for me personally would be shafting the nob who stole the gear.

If it becomes too complicated, then you still have the option to turn your back and walk. Let us know how you get on.

RichardK - 27/12/13 at 10:49 AM

Really sorry to hear you news, I kind of understand your predicament but having not been in that position I can't fully say I understand, all I can say is that I would be well pi55ed if somebody has tried to pull a fast one, I would do what I could to get the monied owed back not for myself but so I had a choice what to do with the money if I didn't want to keep it such as donate the cash to the cancer research charity so at least some good would come from it, especially heartfelt if your mums just been diagnosed with it.

Whatever you decide mate it'll be right for you, like many things there is no default correct answer.

Take care

Rich

ceebmoj - 27/12/13 at 11:35 AM

I can't say mutch to help unfortunately. However you seam to be dealing with things remarcably well, whoever you considered to be you're perants thay did a remarcabke job in difficult cercaumstances.


quote:
Originally posted by woodster
Just my 10ps worth, I really feel sorry for you and your brother but if it had sadly happened to me i wouldn't have even gone to look at what he'd left in his will, i'd have told the solicitor not to both me again, he left in 76 and that for him was the end of caring for me and it works both ways, as for the farmer that sold his stuff he's welcome to it I wouldn't want anything any way ...... My sister in law paid for the funeral of her father many years after he left her as a child without any contact or support , he died penniless and without any friends she got a phone call out of the blue as next of kin, she's a better person than me I'd of said I didn't know him


If I felt like that, in this position I would reclaim the value of the assets and the give it all to charity. That way no one get to steal any thing and you don't have to deal with the emotional conflict of the situation.

[Edited on 27/12/13 by ceebmoj]

zilspeed - 27/12/13 at 12:41 PM

A friend of mine, his male parent was so bad at the job, so absent from their lives that he found it utterly impossible to use any of the usual terms when referring to him. He never ever called him his father or his dad. As far as he was concerned, to be allowed to use those titles, you must be willing to do that job, to be more than a sperm donor.

I have to say I agree with him.

I know many people who make excellent parents to children, who are entitled to call and be called father / dad and who have no genetic link to the child whatsoever.

That's being a parent.

Such was Robert's displeasure with said person who had partaken in his creation that when he was an adult, he only ever referred to him as "the male progenitor."

ReMan - 27/12/13 at 12:43 PM

quote:
Originally posted by zilspeed
I'm a bit open mouthed here.


Me too.
Not at your dad leaving, as you say there may be thinkgs you dont know, and maybe better that way rather than upsetting your Mum about it now. (And that's talking from experience.)
Nevertheless, by luck fate or judgemnt with regard to a lack of a specific will, you are the beneficiary and as such, whilst your approach is admirable, you are owed and unless as mentioned there uis specific instructions to scrap the stuf, in writing, from the sllicitor (which is VERY unikely) then you've been robbed, and should do everything to get recompense. Not in a greedy way, but in a just way. Once youve got whatr's owed, then you can make your own mind up what you do with it.
Good luck and sorry to hear this

richard thomas - 28/12/13 at 10:48 AM

Mate, that is not nice news - I feel for you.

I have to agree with JGJ though, get some independent legal representation - however this won't be cheap in itself and you may end up paying out with no return.

I don't suppose you are the member of a Union? Only because some unions offer free legal advice/assistance.....

All the best, Richard.

bobinspain - 29/12/13 at 12:57 PM

quote:
Originally posted by bob
quote:
Originally posted by big_wasa
I've seen my dad may be five or six times since I was13. That's more than twenty five years ago now.

When my parents separated he left here with less than nothing. And he never paid a penny towards me.




Snap......still does not help Owelly but i certainly feel for you.





Errant dad's must have something against us Bobs.
Snap!!
Now I'm 65, I hardly even remember him, but do recall from age five a succession of "aunts" he'd leave me with whilst he went on the lash.
He disappeared out of our lives permanently (was given his marching orders) when I was 13 and I saw him 3 or 4 times before he died in 2005.

Ironically, some good has come of it. I've been doubly determined (in light of experience) to be the best dad I can possibly be to my two children, now 22 and 18yrs old.

Take whatever positives you can out of the whole thing Owelly and ignore/forget the bad bits.

All the best for 2014 and beyond.

Bob.

aardvark101 - 4/1/14 at 09:10 PM

Get all the cash, and get your Mum to Harley Street for the best in medical care, focus on the future, not the past,.
Good Luck to you and Mum.

zilspeed - 4/1/14 at 09:20 PM

quote:
Originally posted by aardvark101
Get all the cash, and get your Mum to Harley Street for the best in medical care, focus on the future, not the past,.
Good Luck to you and Mum.


Wish there was a 'like' button in here.

owelly - 13/1/14 at 06:58 PM

Sorry I've not said much on this subject lately but things have gone a bit wrong. I'll update any curious folks as soon as I can!!

ali f27 - 13/1/14 at 07:03 PM

Hope your making progress and agree with Zilspeed let that be your reason to get the money

theduck - 13/1/14 at 08:00 PM

Hope this is working out ok for you, can't even begin to imagine how horrible it is to be going through it.

owelly - 13/1/14 at 10:26 PM

What I can say, is that there is no money!!

balidey - 13/1/14 at 10:48 PM

Its going to be very hard to prove there was ever any money in the safe. But surely the diggers that were sold would have had a value.
Sounds like the last thing you want to be trying to sort out. I can see why some people say leave it be, and also why other people say follow it through as a matter of principle. Whatever you choose, good luck....
and I'm a nosy bugger so keep us updated.

bobinspain - 14/1/14 at 12:24 PM

quote:
Originally posted by owelly
What I can say, is that there is no money!!


The guy who misappropriated your dad's gear has no money? Get a court order to send in the bailiffs to seize his goods to the value of the loss to the estate.