Found this that someone had E mailed in to Car Mechanics magazine:
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching a flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
Wire Wheel: Cleans paint and rust off boltsand then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light.
Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you burn the surrounding area.
Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads.
Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion and the more you attempt to influence its course the more dismal your future becomes.
Vice Grips: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
Oxy Acetylene Torch: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your workshop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed your new disc pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
Phone: Tool for calling your mate to see if he has another jack.
Gasket Scraper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog poo off your boot.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.
Two Ton Engine Hoist: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.
16 Inch Screwdriver: A large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
Aviation Metal Snips: See hacksaw
Trouble Light: The home mechanics own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light it is a good source of vitamin D, 'the sunshine vitamin' which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside its main purpose is to consume 40W light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm Howitzer shells might be used during say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light , its name is somewhat misleading.
Crosshead Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the lids of old style paper and tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out cross pattern screwheads.
Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to an impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone with an even bigger compressor and neatly rounds off their heads.
Pry Bar: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you need to remove in order to replace a 50% part.
Hose Cutter: A tool used o cut hoses too short.
Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts close to the object we are trying to hit.
Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, liquids in plastic bottles, refund cheques and rubber or plastic parts.
Expletive: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.

Very good

Most of those ring strangely TRUE!

excellent love the vice grips

engine hoist---been there-doh

[Edited on 23/12/06 by ruskino80]

This is an excerpt from the writings of one of my favorite authors: Peter Egan. He writes for automotive, aircraft and motorcycle magazines, and is an avid guitarist. Pretty much the ultimate in cool!

His Road&Track column (side glances), from which this post is an excerpt, has been published into a couple of volumes. Here is one:

Side Glances

Definitely recommended reading.

Shaun

Edit: Here is a link to a page where the text appears as original, and credit is given to Mr. Egan:

Linky

[Edited on 24/12/06 by smdl]

My favorite :-

"Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought."

Classic

Wire Wheel: Cleans paint and rust off boltsand then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. and ripps your skin off when not being held properly!!

Image deleted by owner

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice flow to the pattern,nice design but why did you have the tattoo done in red?

I just dont get how you did this to your right hand,unless youre keggy handed of course,you weren't caught in the kids sweets again were you.