mangogrooveworkshop
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 posted on 4/6/05 at 02:59 PM |
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EVER WONDER where we are headed.
Ever Wonder

EVER WONDER where we are headed...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.
On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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Peteff
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| posted on 4/6/05 at 04:23 PM |
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Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals
See, because of me they put a warning on them  . They still don't warn you about licking it though. Damn you, Husqvarna.
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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johnston
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| posted on 4/6/05 at 08:44 PM |
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quote:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals
so is using your mouth ok??????
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phelpsa
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| posted on 4/6/05 at 09:10 PM |
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I had a packet pf peanuts once that said:
'Warning, may contain traces of nuts, do not consume if allergic'.
Managed to merge two stupid phrases into one!
Adam
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 4/6/05 at 10:39 PM |
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I saw an ad on TV recently - think it was in florida - advertising a sleeping pill. In the list of possble side effects were drowsyness.
who the fu^k would have thougt!
atb
steve
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DarrenW
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| posted on 6/6/05 at 09:49 AM |
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I used to work for Black & decker. In America they had to include in the instructions for a paint strippingheat gun - do not use as a hair
drier!!!!!
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andyharding
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| posted on 6/6/05 at 10:18 AM |
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On Top Gear the other day Clarkson read out several warning stickers on the new Dodge Viper relating to the rear seats. Hmmm...
Are you a Mac user or a retard?
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