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Author: Subject: Teenage Daughters
LBMEFM

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:41 PM Reply With Quote
Teenage Daughters

Maybe this is not the place to discuss this. I try so hard with my youngest daughter, she is fifteen, but if I am honest she is a little cow. Not the sort you would want your kids to associate with. When she is good she is really nice but when she is horrible she is a bitch. Keep getting calls from her school about her behaviour, but what can you do? If I confront her she runs away for days at a time. Do I have to accept this and just hope she will grow through this period or what. I know this is not what the site for this type of problem but I feel I need to talk to someone who has been through this. Just needed to get it of my chest. By the way I am getting on fine with the MK for it's re-test. Barry
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McLannahan

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:49 PM Reply With Quote
Barry - feel for you I really do. I don't have any children myself but I'm a teacher and know just how nasty some children can be. The males are a pain but can always be controlled, but some of the girls - whole different ball game!

I do hope she sorts herself out - I'm sure she will. I've known many of my pupils do such a turn around to lovely people, just some have taken a little longer to sort it!

All the best






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scootz

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:51 PM Reply With Quote
Hang on in their Barry... you can only do your best mate!
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JoelP

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:51 PM Reply With Quote
my mother is a councillor for young people, though she tends to work with young children rather than teenagers. However, my friend goes to see a different councillor with her 16YO daughter over similar issues. Im sure it would help, if you can persuade her to go
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omega0684

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:52 PM Reply With Quote
my sister was like that when she was in her mid to late teens (she's 20 now). the school used to ring my parents when she got caught smoking, being disobediant in class and mouthing off to teachers! she left school with no qualifications and she is thick as too short planks, but like you say, what can you do? my dad used to loose his temper with her and she used to disappear for days on end, but she always came back when she ran out of money or had no food to eat! don't want to dishearten you but this went on for a few year and then she fell pregnant just after turning 19. (just another statistic i know) as you can imagine she was in with the wrong croud and the father wants nothing to do with her or the baby! now she's back at home and we have a 7 month sprog living here too. she is still very aggresive with all of us and i don't even try to make conversation with her cuz i know she will just start ranting and raving! i feel sorry for the little one, as he has to suffer through all of it as well, she's a bad mum in my eyes but thats just my opinion, mind you i know its what my parents think it as well but they would never say it!
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Trev D

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:52 PM Reply With Quote
You have u2u
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Miketheconn

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:56 PM Reply With Quote
Hiya Barry


Luckily my daughter is only eight, so I havent hit the trouble that you have yet, but I do have a 14 almost 15 year old step son and whilst his behaviour in the last couple of years has improved he was a git for a while.

All I can say is try and sit down and talk with her. Maybe there is something else going on thats making her behave that way. She may be worried or concerned about something that she is more than likely not going to want to tell you about but hopefully she will.

It could be something really trivial but to your daughter it could be the most important thing in the world.

Best of luck. Hopefully this is a short term thing and that able to get through it with out lossing too much hair.

Mike

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tomprescott

posted on 25/3/09 at 08:57 PM Reply With Quote
When I was 15 all I ever wanted wass to p*ss about and as a result I was quite rude (very rude) to teachers and anyone that tried to keep me from having (what I thought at the time) was harmless fun.

I don't have kids (let alone teenage) but lots of my firends have brothers and sisters in the 12-16 year old age range and interacting with them I can honestly say you're in the make or break stage - in the next two years she'll either grow out of it and become nice again or go irrepairably bad.

My only advice would be to talk to her exactly as you would to a firend; calmly and with logical reasoning, try explaining why you're concerned with her school problems (ask why she isn't happy there?) and how the next two years at school are liekly to shape her entire future and that you only want the best.

Most of all though, thry not to patronise or fly off the handle, she'll only shut you out.
Hope things get better for the two of you.

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tomprescott

posted on 25/3/09 at 09:00 PM Reply With Quote
Oh yeah forget to sat, don't mention that you looked for advice or mentioned it to anyone, she probably wouldn't like it.
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24vseven

posted on 25/3/09 at 09:07 PM Reply With Quote
i am in the no kids boat but i remember my sister at that age 15 or so getting into fights calls from the school caught smoking brought home by the police you name it
shes now 29 and as much as it pains me to say because shes my sister lol shes an inteligent sensible woman has a good job in child care has her had full screwed on yes shes been through a relationship break up who hasnt but she stood on her own two feet brought her daughter up with no help from her ex (he was useless and dint want to be a part of his daughters life) and is now settled down with another fella a much nicer bloke and is due to have her second child any day now (she was actualy due last wed)
my point through all this i guess is no mater what happens as a child you do become someone different as you become an adult

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fesycresy

posted on 25/3/09 at 09:24 PM Reply With Quote
Mines coming up 13 shortly.

Called her Miss Moodswing the other day, talk about lighting the touch paper

But, she's just like her mam and nan. They're all the same. I'm sure it's a medical condition they have !

I remember that fatefull day when my missus said she was pregnant, I knew I should have jumped in the car and legged it





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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

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LBMEFM

posted on 25/3/09 at 09:41 PM Reply With Quote
Thanks guy's for your replies and u2u's, it really does help. All I can add is if you are young and considering having children please please think long and hard before making that decision. Barry
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aerosam

posted on 25/3/09 at 10:19 PM Reply With Quote
well i'm 26 and the wife is 25 we both want kids sooner rather than later, been trying for some time now.

You guys are scaring me right off!

Why am I even up this late I have to be in work at 6am!





Had enough of this dictatorship known as LCB. Gone elsewhere, not coming back. Kiss my ass ChrisW.

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l0rd

posted on 25/3/09 at 10:24 PM Reply With Quote
Being a lecturer for E2E learners who are most teenagers with behaviour issues and loads of difficulties i feel for you.

Try to talk with her, understand her, be a friend and not only a father.

If you need any help u2u me.

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mark chandler

posted on 25/3/09 at 10:37 PM Reply With Quote
Try not to get to disheartened hormones at play at this age, I have three step children and count myself lucky as are all very good. The youngest is very wilful I could not look at her a year ago, when she hit 15 but she has calmed down now.

Okay its sounds like old rhetoric but diet and sleep work wonders, if you can get her in bed by a reasonable time and plenty of veggies and no fizzy drinks its amazing how in a few days the mood swings and tantrums calm down.

My sister was in my opinion a very poor mother, I have been down to the courts with her son after drugs, breaking in etc at 15, he is now 23 and has sorted himself out.

Growing up is very hard for some children….. You have to break through the anger and find out what they are frustrated with, sit with them and talk.

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stevec

posted on 25/3/09 at 10:47 PM Reply With Quote
I have 4 teenangers, 3 lads and a daughter.
She has in the past been all the nightmares mentioned and more,
One bit of advise we were given that worked was that when they do something out of order you and the missus confront the little darling together and decide together whats to be done, then stick to it. They get to know you are together and respond better we found, Knee jerk reaction on your own tends not to work specially with us blokes because we tend to be too harsh, whereas women tend to think it through more what is to be done, so together works best.
After a while she learned there could only be one winner. Mind you she still kicks off now and then.

Good luck.
Steve.

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Jasongray5

posted on 25/3/09 at 11:40 PM Reply With Quote
I have no Children, but I work in a challenging behavior unit for young adults, so my opinion may not be totaly relevent to you.
If she is running to one particular place/person/group of people. Go and have a word with them, tell them what is going on and make sure they know not to let her run to them in the future. This way she will come home quicker and is more likely to listen to you as your going to provide the 1st step on maslows heirarchy of needs. you may find that having the discusion before or during she is eating to be most productive. Also, it is VITAL that you and your partner take the same stance with her (you can have the arguements later out of ear shot) so as that there is no weak link in the home.
Making agreements, make an agreement with her, If you do A you will recieve B. A-task B-reward. Punishment will not stop a behaviour, it will only suppress it, if a behavior is not reinforce, it will be extinguished. Expect an extingtion burst, the frequency and intensity of the behavior will increase, before it starts to decrease.

The best thing I find, is keep a cool head, no matter what... its hard, but it gets the best results.
Like I say, Im no parent. But I have worked in challenging behavior services for 3 years now.

Hope some of this is helpfull. Keep the faith
Jas Gray





How hard can it be?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/33261515@N03/sets/72157611049241239/

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oldtimer

posted on 25/3/09 at 11:57 PM Reply With Quote
You have my sympathy and understanding. My own children are adopted and have very challenging behavior. My boy gets things very wrong but he is not malicious - the girl? well, she's a very different fish. Try and stay calm, if possible, I rarely manage this. The count-to-10 technique works when I remember. I didn't think I was an angry man till I had children. You will all get through it and hopefully be able to look back and understand what was happening and why. It may feel raw now but our children need us. You can only try and do your best.
Martin

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Ben_Copeland

posted on 26/3/09 at 12:35 AM Reply With Quote
Sorry to hear your having trouble mate... Hormones and all that..
Have you tried reverse psychology? Instead of shouting at her and driving her away. Maybe try just letting her get on with it... or try talking through with her how she feels, needs both parents to work together as has been said.

My kids only 5 months so not really fountain of knowledge mind....





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nitram38

posted on 26/3/09 at 06:12 AM Reply With Quote
I must be very lucky......
My daughter is 17, my son is 14.
Neither has bought trouble to my door.
Sure both are moody now and then, but both are sensible and listen to others opinions and advice, then go away and think about it.
My son has just done a gcse in Chemistry (at 14) and got an A. He is doing level 8 Maths and keeps coming home with all sorts of certificates from school. He is not a swot and is liked by lots of kids considering the steady flow through my house!
My daughter is going to college and is doing 3 A levels.
The thing that is amazing is we live in a rough borough in London and the school is your normal academy that was messed around for years by the council and both my kids have still got on and done alright.
My advice is not to shout at your children unless absolutely necessary because if you do it too often they just get used to it, so it is a shock when you do.
I've also never laid a finger on them.
A stern voice and removal of privileges has always worked for us.
Nothing is perfect.
My wife skipped secondary school and according to her mum was a mare.
She's now working in a school and doing NVQ's, so people do change.
Just hang in there

Martin






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mangogrooveworkshop

posted on 26/3/09 at 07:56 AM Reply With Quote
My one kicking up hell at the moment
They are a nightmare but since I "Made frends with mine" she is a lot better. They moved out to there own place but got killed by the bills so they have moved back.






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mangogrooveworkshop

posted on 26/3/09 at 01:29 PM Reply With Quote
I took this photo this morning of this sign at one of my customers houses.
She says she cant remember where they got it........








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mangogrooveworkshop

posted on 26/3/09 at 01:32 PM Reply With Quote
me think its this site http://www.laughter-revolution.com/
good luck






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Jasper

posted on 26/3/09 at 02:25 PM Reply With Quote
I really feel for you, got a 15 year old daughter myself.

I would just repeat what others have said. Try not to get into endless arguments that leave the air like lead in the house. Try to talk to her like an adult and try to get her to seeing things from a bigger perspective. And try to find out what the underlying problems are if you can and listen to her if at all possible.

We've always been ok with the basics like privelege removal and a stern voice too. Ours gets internet access and mobile phone removed for periods of a time (longest one was 3 months!!) and now she knows that is she does anything out of order she will loose things. And we NEVER back down or forget punishments, but we do shorten them if she makes a big improvement.

And we also find it comes and goes, she can be lovely for a few days, and a nightmare at other times - hormones I'm sure.....

But in the end we do now say to ours 'Your 15 years old and your life is really in your hands, if you want to screw it up then that's up to you, we've done all we can'. We use this on ours now and it does hit home.

Good luck with it, you're not alone.....





If you're not living life on the edge you're taking up too much room.

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