CliveM
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 posted on 3/12/04 at 02:21 PM |
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Friday Funnies
16 things it took me over 50 years to learn. Some of these are quite funny - particularly the tailpiece............
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stopexpecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do
with them!
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JoelP
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| posted on 3/12/04 at 03:01 PM |
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i learnt one today...
17. Wet plaster is quite a good conductor...
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krlthms
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| posted on 3/12/04 at 05:27 PM |
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Clive and Joel
Very funny, and very true. Made my day. I love the one about above average drivers (must heel 'n toe on the way to the supermarket) !
Cheers
KT
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krlthms
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| posted on 3/12/04 at 05:54 PM |
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Now this guy is above average. Must be a locoster in his spare time. Volvosport perhaps?
http://www.blennus.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=112&Itemid=29
kt
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